Monday, October 26, 2009

Lemon Throwing

Alicia at Yaya Stuff had a great quote on her blog the other day:

"When life gives you lemons, throw them at people."

It has inspired me to write a post about who I would love to throw a lemon at. So get ready to duck.

~ Every medical professional who has discounted a parent's pronouncement that their child, who was by all accounts a "typical" child prior to a vaccination, is now clearly autistic. You can spout all the scientific study statistics you want and insist that these parents are simply "fishing for something to blame", but how can you explain kids who could speak conversationally one day, only to regress dramatically to become a non-verbal child with a multitude of other challenges, days after a vaccination?

* I am not one of these parents who can attribute my children's autism to a single episode, such as an immunization. But I know many who have had this exact experience and it is an insult to their intelligence to be disregarded as if they don't know their children. Don't start throwing lemons at me. I promise this isn't an anti-vaccination campaign. 

~ Tim Horton's staff at the drive-thru in my neighbourhood. I think they deserve an entire bucket of lemons. We have lived here for over 3 years and I would wager that my order has been right only 1/4 of the time. A large double double coffee isn't that difficult to figure out.

Why do I keep going there? - It's cheaper than Starbucks.

~ Speaking of drive-thrus, my BIGGEST pet peeve lately are the cashiers who keep the penny change they owe you without asking if you want it back.

A year ago, I feel like I was bitching that cashiers just asked me if I'd like my penny change. I was insulted at the mere question! NOW they don't even ask!!! C'mon people! Let's take back our penny pride and demand to keep the change to ourselves. It all adds up.

~ These pictures need no explanation. Unless you are running your fingers through your own hideous glorious comb-over/mullet/rat tail as you are reading this...

I would rather throw scissors than lemons at these guys, but for the bloody mess I'd have to clean up afterwards. I have enough housework already, thanks.

~ To the woman who works at the optometrist's office in the mall near our house who thought Owen shouldn't be allowed to be there (in the mall) "because we have a business to run and we shouldn't have to see this", when Owen and his therapist were working on a program for him to get over his fear of public bathrooms. Sour faced bitch is probably dining on lemons at every meal already.

Maybe she deserves some jalapeno pepper juice in her eyeball.

~ To the Christian preschool who opened their doors to Will last year, saying: "we believe in every child's right to inclusion", only to promptly kick him out a few days later because "he makes really odd sounds sometimes and I have to protect the other children". This one makes my blood boil. But at least they assured me that they would "pray for him".

~ To my son's bus driver who thinks it's appropriate to crank the radio whenever Lady Gaga's 'Love Games' comes on, or Katy Perry's 'I Kissed a Girl'. Have you ever listened to the lyrics? "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick". Or Flo Rida's 'Right Round' lyrics: "You spin my head right round, right round, when ya go down when ya go down down. From the top of the pole, I watch her go down".

Now I have an 8 year old singing these at the top of his lungs. Not cool for 1st to 4th graders.

~ Air Miles Travel sucks. Alright. It doesn't suck when I get a free flight flight for my outstanding spending loyalty out of them. Hubby and I are planning a trip out East to visit his dad and we had it all planned to stay for a one-day layover in Toronto. We were going to meet the new Pumpkin-Baby and see some friends and family. Air Miles won't let us. Instead, we're stuck with an overnight layover in a city where we'll have to spend the extra money (that we don't have) on a hotel. But Montreal is the home of some great poutine,

so maybe I'll spare them those lemons after all.

~ To the inventers of trick-or-treating and to the grocery stores who put out the Halloween candy weeks before the 31st.

Must I explain this one?

This felt good. Kind of like therapy, getting all that sour stuff out of my system. I might make a habit out of throwing lemons. I'll finish this off with a lemon recipe.

Lemon Cranberry Muffins

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon lemon extract
1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries, halved

  1. In a large bowl, combine the dry ingredients. 
  2. In another bowl, beat the eggs, milk, oil and extract. 
  3. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in cranberries.
  4. Fill paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full. 
  5. Bake at 400 degrees F for 18-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. 
  6. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.


fancypants said...

To the optometrist lady- I say we give her papercuts all over and then throw the lemons. What is wrong with people who can't show a little compassion and have to be so damn hateful?

I also like to say "when life hands you lemons- add tequila and make margaritas"

I like this meme, I may have to steal it! :)

otin said...

Lemons and Jalapenos are not strong enough for that miserable optomitrist (Insert C word here)!

I love the tolerant people who are only tolerant when it looks good, but when it actually comes down to it, they don't want to be bothered.

As for the drive thru, you know how I feel!!!

Have a good day!

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha! Love it! GREAT post!!!

"Maybe she deserves some jalapeno pepper juice in her eyeball." Hahahaha!

kys said...

Love the saying! Sounds like a group meme waiting to happen.

I'm nodding in agreement with everything you said. Esp. the optometrist's office lady, the preschool, and the bus driver. Oh, and the pediatrician, too. (We hear this over and over from parents.

What is wrong with people?

Evonne said...

Great post! I had a bus driver one time that would listen to nothing but Howard Stern. I was older than 8, but it still wasn't a good idea.

Viv said...

Lemon throwing! I heart this idea. Actually, I would like to throw the first lemon at the person who got me saying heart instead of love. This should be a regular thing!!!

The mall lady? Sour cup of c... if I ever heard of one.

A very similar thing happened to another bloggy pal of mine with her autistic child. He was welcomed into a gymnastics class, only to be asked to leave...after he fell in love with the place and gymnastics, of course. Grrr...I don't heart people at all.

SupahMommy said...

um.. yum.. the muffys... yummo

did i say yummo

and the bus driver

i hope you complained.. or at least really threw it.
and mullet... HAIR.. i HAVE A PIC FOR YOU!! to add to your list.

ModernMom said...

I want to help you toss some of that fruit!
Good grief! Great lemon post...hope it helped to get it all out there.!!

Staci said...

Sounds like every single one is definitely worth of some lemons!

Unknown Mami said...

You can throw lemons at me all you want because I love citrus.

The medical profession discounts the testimony of many and it drives me crazy. Just because a correlation had not been "scientifically" proven does not make it untrue.

Teri Beckelheimer said...

Be sure you roll those lemons around good before you throw so they are nice and juicy!

otin said...

Why do I have a doll?? There is a reason for everything, I am just not going to tell you! hahaha!

Jennie said...

Nah, that optometrist secretary lady needs to EAT a jar of jalapenos (all at once) and suffer the ring of fire the next day! Eve in your fury you're a riot. Love it.

blueviolet said...

Thank you! That makes me nuts when they don't give you the change.

People talk the talk and never walk the walk. Lemons and jalapenos it is.

Twisted Cinderella said...

I'll stand beside you and throw some of those well-deserved lemons as well!

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