Writer's Workshop: Back to School & Speechless

1st Day of School.

I can't believe the day has come. For four years I have dreaded this day. For four years I have shoved it to the back of my mind and pretended it would never come. For four years I carried the faint hope that by this time, Owen and Will might be among the few who are "no longer distinguishable among their neuro-typical peers" and that they would enter the first grade with smiles of excitement. That tonight, the night before their first day, they might be helping me to pack their backpacks, or arguing over what outfit they want to wear, all while chattering about their hopes of finding one true friend that they will play with for the whole school year and maybe even for all their school years to come.

But that is not to be. Another milestone and another dream has faded away. Or at least, it has been postponed.

I am still excited for my boys. I am hopeful that this year will be one filled with new possibilities, with the acquisition of new skills and the forging of new friendships. I hope that they learn to get excited about going every morning, that they find that friend whose face they will look forward to seeing every day.

I pray that my fears are just the product of a typical mom who is over-thinking and paranoid. I worry that at this new school there will be no familiar face that Owen and Will can turn to when they feel anxious or afraid. That they won't understand where they are, or that I will be coming back for them at the end of the day. I worry that Will's language will not be understood by anyone, that when he says "are you okay?" someone will understand that he is trying to tell them that he has hurt himself and needs a mommy kiss to make it all better. I fear that Owen's quiet, sometimes-complacent personality doesn't leave him ignored and left to sit on his own in a corner, or that Will's anxiety-driven OCD doesn't cause his staff to think he's acting defiant. I pray that my boys are treated with compassion, understanding, a willingness to figure them out and a determination to raise them up to meet their optimum potential.

If they could only speak, I would not worry so. They could tell me how things went during their day. They could speak up if they felt they weren't being treated fairly. They could talk through their own fears with me on this night.

If only's won't do any of us any good. But I am grateful to have this place to write it out. So that tomorrow morning when I drop off my boys, I can leave them with a smile, after having left my fears on this keyboard. God knows I have sensitive little boys who pick up on every emotion that floats around them. They don't need my fears to add to their own.

So best of luck to all of the other little kiddos out there who are starting, or returning back to school. But most of all, my prayers are with all moms and dads who will be worrying too.



As a footnote, I discovered that today MamaKat is hosting a Writer's Workshop with the prompt "First Day Of". Today should qualify. Today is the first day of a new chapter. Check on Mama's Losin' Itto see what some other bloggers are up to.