Thursday, September 03, 2009

Writer's Workshop: Back to School & Speechless

1st Day of School.

I can't believe the day has come. For four years I have dreaded this day. For four years I have shoved it to the back of my mind and pretended it would never come. For four years I carried the faint hope that by this time, Owen and Will might be among the few who are "no longer distinguishable among their neuro-typical peers" and that they would enter the first grade with smiles of excitement. That tonight, the night before their first day, they might be helping me to pack their backpacks, or arguing over what outfit they want to wear, all while chattering about their hopes of finding one true friend that they will play with for the whole school year and maybe even for all their school years to come.

But that is not to be. Another milestone and another dream has faded away. Or at least, it has been postponed.

I am still excited for my boys. I am hopeful that this year will be one filled with new possibilities, with the acquisition of new skills and the forging of new friendships. I hope that they learn to get excited about going every morning, that they find that friend whose face they will look forward to seeing every day.

I pray that my fears are just the product of a typical mom who is over-thinking and paranoid. I worry that at this new school there will be no familiar face that Owen and Will can turn to when they feel anxious or afraid. That they won't understand where they are, or that I will be coming back for them at the end of the day. I worry that Will's language will not be understood by anyone, that when he says "are you okay?" someone will understand that he is trying to tell them that he has hurt himself and needs a mommy kiss to make it all better. I fear that Owen's quiet, sometimes-complacent personality doesn't leave him ignored and left to sit on his own in a corner, or that Will's anxiety-driven OCD doesn't cause his staff to think he's acting defiant. I pray that my boys are treated with compassion, understanding, a willingness to figure them out and a determination to raise them up to meet their optimum potential.

If they could only speak, I would not worry so. They could tell me how things went during their day. They could speak up if they felt they weren't being treated fairly. They could talk through their own fears with me on this night.

If only's won't do any of us any good. But I am grateful to have this place to write it out. So that tomorrow morning when I drop off my boys, I can leave them with a smile, after having left my fears on this keyboard. God knows I have sensitive little boys who pick up on every emotion that floats around them. They don't need my fears to add to their own.

So best of luck to all of the other little kiddos out there who are starting, or returning back to school. But most of all, my prayers are with all moms and dads who will be worrying too.

As a footnote, I discovered that today MamaKat is hosting a Writer's Workshop with the prompt "First Day Of". Today should qualify. Today is the first day of a new chapter. Check on Mama's Losin' Itto see what some other bloggers are up to.


fancypants said...

Stacey you brought tears to my eyes! I hope the morning goes well and that the boys have a wonderful new adventure at school this year. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

It'll be ok.

Dana said...

You brought tears to my eyes too. I just know in my heart that Will & Owen will make connections at their new school in their very own ways. How can anyone help but love them as much as the rest of us do. I believe in you & Jonathan & I believe in your boys!!! Good luck this thoughts are with you!!!

Lisa said...

Stacey my heart and thoughts are with you. I think mom's are typically worried and anxious for their children at the best of times, so I can only imagine that your fears must be felt tenfold because of all the extra challenges your little guys face. You have the best attitude I have ever seen in a person and that alone will help your kids achieve all they can. Let us know how things go! xoxo

Mellisa said...

This post brought tears to my eyes also. I hope that the first day of school went well. I am now following. Found your blog through writer's workshop linky.

willowjakgrandma said...

Stacey, dreams do come true... !!!
love ya, kiss the boys for me.. love momxo

Unknown Mami said...

That was so beautiful and heartfelt.

Becky @ Our Sweet Peas said...

I hope that all went well. My prayer is that their teachers and the other staff in their lives will have extreme patience, compassion and understanding for each one of your sweet boys!

Stacey said...

Guys, thanks so much for positive thoughts and comments. I am happy to say that the boys did great and so far it's still enough of a novelty that they are enjoying themselves. I will write a post later to give more details. Truly, the comments made me get through the day a lot easier. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Will and Owen! Grade One is a big step. (And you've worked so hard and come so far to get there!)

Stacey, you and Jon (and Jake) have done such an amazing job to get them there. I hope their new school will be everything you want it to be.

Congrats again!

P.S. Yesterday was my first day of Grade 1/2, too! After two years in Jr. Special Ed, I am now a regular classroom teacher. (I have one little guy on the spectrum. I am sure his parents have the similar fears as he has a hard time communicating what his day was like when he comes home.)

Anonymous said...

Stacey I'm so glad they did well!! What a beautiful post =)

Elle Bee said...

Almost 2 weeks later, I finally read this. How is it all going? I hope everyone is settling in.

Life with Kaishon said...

How did the first day go? This made me cry. I hope he is having a great year so far!

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