When we moved out west, we thought it was forever. We committed to ourselves that we would never second-guess our decision and that we would plant roots and we would not toss around the thought that "we could always just move back to Ontario". We knew that we if we kept Ontario as our back-up plan, we would never make the most of our life out here. Six years later and we still have that same attitude. We haven't gone back on our word, but we always remained open-minded to the possibilities of change.
I just wrote three paragraphs of explanations for how we came to our decision to pack up and move back.
But I deleted it.
I don't really want to have to explain myself anymore. Especially because our decision is made. I am not going to second-guess myself. I will not have regrets and I will not allow for other people's fears, insecurities or genuine concern, to cause me to slow down the process of moving forward.
As I get older, I realize more and more that I don't need other people's approval to make me feel secure in my decisions. I am also learning that when you know something is right for you, when you've looked at it from every angle and discussed it with everyone involved, you just need to go for it. If we sat around and waited for all of our ducks to be lined up in a perfect row, we might never move forward. Society tells us that we should have the perfect education, have all of our debt paid off with money in the bank, travel the world, 'sow your oats', then go through tons of therapy before you should ever settle down and get married. You need to be *ready*. Well screw that. I would still be single if I had waited for all of that. There would be no Owen, Will and Jake. I really believe that.
A friend of ours said to me recently, that when you've made a decision and you know it's right for you, you need to plan your life in the direction of that goal. Do not be distracted by back-up plans. Just follow the natural path of your decision and fate will step in and make it so. It can't promise to happen without hard work and some stress, but it always seems to work out.
When I look back at what we have accomplished in the past six years, I am reminded that we did good. There's a feeling of hopefulness because these huge risks and changes in our life have proven that when something isn't working, you always have options. Logistics and finances definitely play a role. Of course they do. But more likely than not, it's our fear of failure and of the unknown that prevents us from taking the risk. I hope that our choices will teach my three boys that their worlds aren't small. That they don't have to settle. That if times are tough and opportunities are limited, they can take a risk and look outside of their comfort zone for a solution. That you don't have to feel shame in trying something out, then going back to where you started.
So here we are today. Our house still hasn't sold. But we've got a home waiting in Ontario. We have the moving truck lined up. The boys are nearly registered for their new schools. The job lined up. The summer plans all swirling in our brains. Our goodbyes all ready to overflow into tears when July rolls around. But we're on our way.
Please keep us in your thoughts and cross all fingers and toes that our stresses will be over and that everything will fall into place. I've got faith!!!