Willowjak Boys

Digging Deep and Asking For & Accepting Help

2011-10-16T23:13:00.000-06:00

I've seen scenes in movies where the victim falls to their knees and cries to the heavens for help. They've hit their bottom. They have exhausted all options and finally succumbed to the last resort of begging for someone to hear them as they shout out to an empty room. Notice I said victim. Those movie scenes made me laugh inside. I'd scoff at the actors as they talked out loud to their Higher Power or their dearly departed, in whom they were now placing all their faith that somehow magically, their spirit would swoop down and solve all their problems.

I'm not a hard-core cynic. I believe that I've got some guardian angels of my own who have watched over me over the years. I have been known to silently say a prayer or two in my bleaker moments and pray that my Nan and Pop can help me through whatever tough spot I have found myself in. But have I truly believed that anyone heard my pleas? The ones that I silently uttered in the privacy of my own thoughts? - Not really.

Last Saturday I found myself in a scene from a movie. As I entered the darkness of my walk-in closet, I unashamedly found myself dropping to my knees, laundry basket falling to the floor, and I cried out. "Please! If you can hear me, Please help me! I need help. Help me dig deeper to find the strength to keep it together and to pull my family out of this hole. Please show me what I'm missing, what I can't see, what I need to do to figure out how to keep my boys safe. Please watch over Will and keep him safe." I am a little embarrassed to share that with the world, but you know what? I was at my bottom and when you're desperate, you do what you have to do.

The cause of my panic?
Toy Story. Will's most recent love and obsession. Watch this scene.

Seems harmless? Who doesn't love Woody and his bravery? Not so harmless when your eight year old son's obsessive compulsive behaviours are so extreme that he is driven to run away from the safety of his home, to dart out into traffic and hurl himself under MOVING vehicles to either reenact the scene above, or to search for his beloved Woody and Toy Story friends. Nothing can drive you to your knees in prayer like the sight of your son's bare feet sticking out from under a van, surrounded by strangers kneeling to look underneath. I thought he was gone from us. I thought he was run over. Someone was watching over him that day. And the day after when he did it again.

And after one of the most terror-filled and intense weeks of my life, of desperately shopping for, and installing even MORE locks that Will can't figure out, for every external door in this house, Will upped the ante again. So what caused the next horror in our home less than a week later? Could it have been this scene?

I am a woman who does not see the upper level of her home because she must have all eyes on her doors. I don't shower unless my husband is at home. I can go hours needing to pee, but don't because my guys wait for those moments. My twins might put themselves in harm's way, they might be naughty sometimes, over-zealous, opportunistic and too adventurous. But one thing they are not - is stupid. They are smarter than most adults that I know. They are uber-observant, their memories are SHARP, they are quick thinkers and they know what they want. Just when I think I've got a handle on things, they throw me a curve ball and remind me that I can't let my guard down for a second.
9am and my doorbell rings. I had just checked on Will and left him playing with his ipod on his bed in his room. A woman at my door frantically asks me "do you know that there is a little boy running on your roof?". My blood ran cold. Buzz Lightyear's fall from a window was the likely cause of Will's newest interest in my upper story windows.

What more can I say. I can continue to list the trials we have gone through this week. I can tell you that when we figured out a solution to secure our windows to prevent another escape, that I slept soundly for the first time in years - without the stress of waking from every creak or noise from outside, imagining that Will had escaped beneath our noses. I have dug deeper than I ever imagined possible. To find the strength to cope. To put on a brave face and smile with my children so that they don't know the terror I feel inside. To stay positive when talking with my husband so that we can keep each other from sinking into a permanent place of fear. I have shared this story. There is only so much phony "we're fine" lines we can sell. I'm sick of pretending we've got it all under control. In telling this story we've had offers of help and support from some of the most generous and kind people - people who barely know us. And I am learning to accept that help. Because I have to. Because it's for my boys. Because if I'm at a point when I am dropping to my knees and begging, I think it's time I take the hand that has been offered in response.

And in recognition to all of those who reach out a hand or a word of support when they recognize our need, here's a favourite scene from our beloved/cursed Toy Story movie...

The View From Here

2011-02-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

Every parent deserves a couple of minutes of peace and privacy in their day. For us, that can sometimes only be found in The Royal Lavatory. With capitals. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my husband's code name for his reading room, it is the the bathroom.

Owen and Will haven't got these rules figured out yet. No surprise there, but I never dreamt that we would need to implement a program to teach that a closed door means 'don't go in'.

Yesterday afternoon, I was out of the house for a few hours as I ran a bunch of errands before picking up the boys from school. Add to that a couple of cups of coffee and a couple of meltdowns on the drive home and you can understand why my couple of minutes on the throne were a couple of minutes I was looking forward to.

Here was a view from my sanctuary, don't worry it isn't labeled NSFW (Not Safe For Work):

Owen charged in the moment my cheeks hit the porcelain. He wanted me to find Sesame Street on YouTube RIGHT NOW! and he proceeded to scream bloody murder to show his upset. Will ran in to pull Owen's hair to let him know he wasn't happy about the noise. It didn't help. Jess the dog ran in to lick my face in her anxiety that the world was ending.

Where's the peace? A couple of seconds to pee. Is that too much to ask?

Great Seats and a Second Home

2010-10-07T13:11:00.000-06:00

I was fortunate enough to be invited to contribute to a new blog that has been created for Calgary folks. Modeled after a blog in Ottawa, Canada called Kids in the Capital, blogger Danielle created Kids in Cowtown; a place where parents can get ideas from other parents in the Calgary area for things to do in the city with their kids. Considering how little we do with the boys out here, besides all of our scenic drives, I'm not sure I'll have a lot to contribute. But I can certainly promise that I'll be looking to my fellow blogmates for ideas in the future.

Besides promoting the new blog, I thought I would repeat my first post right here at Willowjak Boys. If you live anywhere in North America, then this might be a helpful tip:

Best Seats in the House

Have you ever taken the kids to a concert to see their favourite tv characters perform and wound up sitting three football fields away from the stage? Trying to convince your child that the purple bobbing blob who is heard faintly singing “I love you”, is Barney and not a bunch of grapes is a bit of a let-down. Especially when you realize you’ve paid $200 for a family of four to find more entertainment in people-watching around you, than trying to lip-read through your binoculars.

My family of five is comprised of three boys; a set of 7-year-old twins who are moderately to severely affected by autism, and their 9-year-old brother. To even make the decision to venture out of the house and into the community is a huge undertaking and commitment. If my husband and I are going to go through all the prep of getting the boys to an outing and gathering enough strength and patience to prepare for the chaos that might ensue, we better be getting our money’s worth.

I was always convinced that the people in the best seats must be related to the performers or the crew. My twins are absolutely and thoroughly obsessed with the likes of The Wiggles, Sesame Street and High-5 to name a few. If we went to a show and sat a hundred rows back, they wouldn’t even lift their eyes away from the fascination of their mismatched length of shoe laces. They need to see those guys up close. So how do those lucky families get the great seats?

A few years ago I heard a radio station announce that if you were a member of their fan club, you would be receiving an email with the pre-sale password that would enable you to purchase tickets with the VIP’s before the general public would have their shot. I raced home and googled the words “free pre-sale passwords” and found my new best friends.

WiseGuys Presale Passwords is a blog where its writers post updated concert and show announcements from all over North America, all pre-sale passwords and usually the dates that the pre-sales are happening. The best part is that it’s all FREE! There is a place on the blog where you can sign-up to receive daily emails and that’s what I have done. Every day I get an email in my inbox which has concert announcements for cities across the US and Canada. It only takes a quick scan and I delete them if the locations aren’t of interest to me. I must say that it has also come in handy to purchase the odd ticket for friends or family in other provinces as a gift, or simply to forward my contacts this information in case that hadn’t heard about it themselves in the city they are in.

With the password in hand, if I have managed to get online at the opening of the pre-sale, I have been fortunate enough to score fantastic seats. I can’t tell you how thrilled my twins were when we went to Sesame St. Live a couple of years ago. We were front and centre at the Southern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium. With my boys’ chins resting in their hands, elbows on the stage and their eyes staring in wonder at the very characters that they had danced to on their tv screens at home, I learned that there is no other way to take in a show.

With next Friday’s upcoming Wiggles show at the Pengrowth Saddledome, maybe I’ll see you when I look back at the crowd. But hopefully the next time they’re in town, we’ll get seats side-by-side in the front!

*there are still tickets available at Ticket Master.*

-------
Hope you come and check us out in my second home!

Step-by-Step Approach to Implementing the GF/CF Diet

2010-10-04T21:34:00.002-06:00

I have a much longer post to write, but as I was coming up with it, I came across this video with information on how to get started with the Gluten Free/Casein Free Diet.

I attended two different workshops put on by Sueson Vess and Betsy Hicks at the Autism One conferences in 2008 and 2009 and got SO MUCH out of them. Sueson Vess is a truly wonderful chef and in my few experiences in talking with her, I found that she is so generous with sharing her knowledge. I strongly urge you to contact her when/if you've got those tough questions about special diets and if she can't answer them herself, her website is full of information as well Special Eats.

Here is another informative blog post that might give some extra tips included a Yahoo Group whose members might also help guide you on this path: Click Here To view The Autism Recovery Diet PLUS...and successful recoveries!

As my own little footnote, I will state again that the GFCF diet had a significantly positive impact on Will and Owen. In a future post, I will let you in on where we are now, as it has been two years since we went on this journey and now we have some new changes to make. I will caution that this is OUR experience and it does not mean that I am pushing any other families to go this route, especially if you aren't ready. It is a huge commitment and there really isn't much point if you don't do it 100%. GFCF worked for us, but good and clean nutrition is really the most important thing and our ultimate goal for the boys. More on this later...

Moments

2010-09-21T23:28:00.000-06:00

Walking along the sidewalk, the sounds of the kids in the schoolyard faded into the background and all of a sudden my sole focus was on the warm little hands that were gripping mine. I'm a mom whose sentimentality is often saved for when I have a minute to myself, alone, and usually when I write. But today I was struck by how lucky I was to have these two little boys who wanted to hold my hand.

In that moment, I flashed to the future and had a vision of walking down a similar pathway, with the same two hands now much bigger, holding mine. Would we still share little inside jokes that would make them giggle? 0r will they be telling me jokes that will make me double over in laughter? Will they tower over me and grab a hand in protection of their mum or will they push it away in embarrassment so that their friends don't see them?

Do parents of typical kids realize what a gift they have? Do they understand that the parents of children with autism often have to deal with the heartbreak of having children who don't want to be touched, or cuddled? While they may have the gift of having affectionate children, I have the gift of having learned a valuable lesson. To appreciate these little moments because they can never be taken for granted.

* * * * *

We have been a Wiggles family for the past 6 years. Will lives in a bedroom with each wall a different Wiggly colour (red, blue, yellow and purple) and Anthony, Greg, Jeff and Murray dolls go wherever he goes. But his world wasn't complete. He had Dorothy the Dinosaur, Wags the Dog and Henry the 0ctopus, but no Captain Feathersword (the horror!). Yesterday, guess who showed up at our door in a bubble envelope? All the way from the UK, Daddy made Will's day, when the Cap'n joined our crew.

How's that for a moment?

* * * * *

Passed on from 0wen's teachers today after school:
At circle time. "Today is Tues..", with 0wen piping in unexpectedly "DAY"!!
Mom's reaction: "YAY!"

* * * * *

The Things People Say

2010-09-19T00:03:00.000-06:00

I won't pretend to be the first person to blog on this subject. In fact, I have read so many posts on this subject and all have left me seething mad and shaking my head. Moms and Dad of multiples, of children with special needs, with visible deformities, of children of mixed race, of children who are taller or smaller than their age; all have likely faced the challenge of meeting people, who by either ignorance or maliciousness make comments that leave a sting that doesn't easily fade.

We've heard a few. Some that are the most hurtful are the ones that aren't spoken.

- my kids are a danger to their peers and those other children need to be protected from them
- at the moment of discovery that a child is 'retarded', they should be euthanized because they are just a drain on society
- my children have autism as a result of my not nursing them, or because having three children so close together caused me to neglect them, or because I must have been a frigid mother (all three of these comments came from the same woman while at a fundraising event to support the twins!)
- a skeptic (I think she was doubtful that autism is even a real diagnosis) who knew me well, claimed that if I only spent a bit more time working at it, it shouldn't be hard to get the kids to talk
- my children are a bad influence on other children
- just give them a smack and they'll learn better behaviour
- they'd be better off in a group home or institution

I'm not a newbie at this. The boys have been diagnosed for over five years now so I should be used to the comments. But I'm not. In fact, I am probably that much more defensive of the underdog as the years go on. I truly can feel compassion for people's discomfort when they struggle to find the right words when referring to my children's differences. Even five years ago, autism wasn't a word that everyone had heard of. What I don't understand, is how a person can call themselves a compassionate person, and continue to use words that are hurtful, or who choose to offer their opinion to a stranger without invitation or who think that my children are not as worthy as a typical child. I am intolerant of any and all insults and take special offense to the cavalier use of the words and expressions, "that's so gay" or "you're retarded". I can't understand why people can't wrap their heads around the idea that those comments may be offensive to someone. Short bus jokes are not funny. If there is someone out there who may take offense, then don't tell it. Particularly if the subject of your 'not-so-funny joke' is of a vulnerable population and cannot defend themselves or tell you why it hurts them. And probably the greatest crime of all, is how someone could choose to defend their behaviour and continue to speak in this way.

It is so beautifully put by actor, John C. McGinley:

Ignorance is bliss. If you are one of those people who fall into this category, if you thought it was just a joke, or that your comments weren't intended to do harm, or that your opinions were not meant to be taken too seriously, I'll forgive you. But after reading this, you are no longer ignorant.

Now you know.

Particularly, if you use the word retarded, it hurts me. It hurts my 9 year old son, who has heard that word used to insult his two brothers. It hurts my husband who doesn't know what to do with his feeling of helplessness, when he can't do anything to protect his children. It hurts Will and 0wen.

Now you know. Please choose your words more thoughtfully.

Did You Know?

2010-09-16T19:50:00.000-06:00

All About Owen

- he's been fully and independently toilet trained since before the summer with not even a pull-up overnight?! (no more diapers after 9 years for Mom and Dad!)
- he has started to try and vocalize sounds for the first time in two years and can now proudly say bye, hat, hi, happy, eat and bottle.
- he had his first time off from a home-based therapy program this summer- a whole summer off to be a normal kid!
- he gets his hair cut regularly with no tantrums! clippers and scissors.
- after dentist visits every 3 months to get used to the office, people and equipment, he is now allowing the dentist to scrape his teeth!
- he is this close to dunking his head under water in the bath and in the pool. Nose and mouth are in there so it won't be long!
- remember the kid who couldn't walk three steps without falling down or who couldn't bend his head backwards? Check him out now:

- he is choosing to use sign language and learning and communicating more words and phrases every day.
- he is finally showing an interest, and identifying the letters of the alphabet and colours
- thanks to grandparents, he now has an ipod touch and is using Proloquo2go to communicate with a voice
and I use

for visual schedules with him.
- his eye contact is incredible and his connection with people is really remarkable (that doesn't mean he won't take a few days to get used to you first).
- he's mischievous like his younger brother, Will. Whenever something disappears in the house- you can guarantee that it is stashed away in his room and the item is most likely something precious to someone: Will's favourite stuffies, Jake's favourite book, the remote control.. And in the past month, Mom's glasses have been bent in half, an entire tube of toothpaste has been emptied and squeezed throughout the bathroom, Mom's storage of files have been pulled out from under the bed and thrown scattered throughout her room and just tonight, a whole tube of Jake's temporary electric blue hair dye was dumped and ground into our (already-destroyed) beige carpet. And although the damages are great, inside I'm smiling.

Because all of this is a sign of great things to come. Teachers and aides alike are all declaring that this is his year. The year of the break-through.

Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time. ~Deborah Chaskin

It's Owen's time.

Don't Quit

2010-09-16T00:04:00.000-06:00

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

A fellow Autism Momma forwarded this email to me the other day and at first, I read it with myself in mind. But after a second read, I thought about my twins. They are seven now and the beginning of their short lives has not been an easy one. Not in the obvious sense, given their challenges. But in the sense that they have worked their asses off, putting in more effort to their 'work' than probably the majority of the adult work force.

My father-in-law, David just spent the summer with us. He suffered a severe stroke years ago and lost his speech. He has aphasia and the impact has been pretty significant; it has affected his ability to speak, he may know what he wants to say, but cannot find the words to express his thoughts. He sometimes has trouble understanding what other people are saying to him, he can still hear what is being said, but may not understand what they are saying. He sometimes has difficulty following conversations, particularly when the information is complicated or when many people are talking at once.

The irony wasn't lost on me. As we all adapted to this much more compassionate, patient and sometimes difficult communication, I had a deep sense of understanding that this is likely what my boys go through. David was able to verbalize to me, his extreme frustration in not being able to freely speak his mind. His hand slapped the table in emphasis as he fiercely stated "I am in here!". He explained that when conversations become too overwhelming, busy or complicated to follow, it is easier to mentally check out because of how exhausting it is to stay with it.

Not only do 0wen and Will struggle every moment to be understood and to understand the people around them, but they work. HARD. 5 years of intensive home therapy- rarely a week goes by when a therapist doesn't come to the house. We tell them what to do. We give instructions. We correct. We reinforce. We assign tasks. We redirect. We drive them nuts.

All this to say that I recognize their efforts. Their courage is admirable. They don't know enough to quit. They take pride in their successes and they keep going. They really are my heroes.

Posts for the Pooches

2010-09-09T22:37:00.002-06:00

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself

Josh Turner

We lost our Matilda on Easter weekend. Mere days after my post about nearly losing 0wen. Mattie had gone stone deaf the year prior and had lost her eyesight in both eyes in January. The photo above was probably the last taken of a 'good day' spent with her. It wasn't long before she started rejecting us and isolating herself, probably lost in a dark, silent pit of fear and depression. It broke our hearts to say goodbye to her. She had been a faithful, squiggly, snorty ball of love and had seen our family grow from our engagement, to marriage, to three kids, to a move across country. She will be forever missed and not a day goes by that I don't remember how it felt to have her snuggled up to me or to hear her snoring through the night. We miss our Mattie.

I really thought it would be ages before we'd ever bring a new pet into the house. I'll admit that the respite from having to care for another body in the house and Jonathan loved not having to scoop poop in the yard- it was nice. But from the moment that it was even suggested that we might look at getting another dog in the next year or so, had me searching on the net "just for fun". I came across a Pet Rescue agency in Calgary and naturally, it displayed all of the pups who needed homes.

Introducing Jesse and Ventura "Tura". 0ur girls were rescued in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and the agency told us they were named after Jesse Ventura, because his wife is who found the pups in the street and brought them into the shelter there.

If you think I was crazy to take two pups on in this crazy house- you're more than right. It's been a nightmare as far as the messes and the training. But they're gorgeous. They're love sponges. We love them.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole

Roger Caras

Stronger Than Ever

2010-09-07T12:39:00.001-06:00

And so it begins. A new school year.

0wen and Will entering into second grade and Jake, the "big kid now" in the fourth grade, looking to move up to middle school next year. The summer seemed to fly by so fast. It was our first summer since the twins were diagnosed at 2, that we enjoyed a summer together as a family- with no therapy at home. No behavioural aides, no programs, no social workers, no speech therapists, no occupational therapists-- except for all of those professionals who are now dear friends and are still important people in our lives. It was fantastic.

This summer was my mid-life crisis. Can you call it that when there is no crisis, only huge revelations and discovery about yourself? It was, perhaps, one of the saddest and most empowering moments I've ever had and I feel that I have truly opened a door into a new reality. A new way of looking at the world, at myself and at the people around me. I am stronger than I've ever been and ready to take on all that's to come.

I'll leave with two quotes that inspired me to post to the blog today:

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.
-- August Wilson

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-- Author Unknown

May all of my friends and readers with whom I've been disconnected for so many months, find strength in this as well. Please take me back and forgive my long absence. :)

Disappearing on World Autism Awareness Day

2010-04-03T00:47:00.000-06:00

Our family didn't need to see a Facebook event reminder, or a newspaper headline to remember that today was Autism Awareness Day. It would be fair to say that we are made aware of autism on a daily basis. It would also be fair to say that we make other people aware of it regularly. This could never be more true than it was today.

Our lovely, usually passive, often lazy, reliably predictable seven year old child, Owen, decided to remind all of us just how much autism has affected our lives. It hasn't just seeped into our lives quietly and imperceptibly. It slammed into us head on today so that we were forced to stand up and take notice.

Jonathan gave me the day to work down in the basement office. I was working on a scrapbooking project for the twins' upcoming school fundraising gala. I was grateful to be allowed a chunk of a day where I could close the door and just get stuff done. Without interruptions. Without having to worry that if I looked away, someone might get into the food cupboards, or make a humongous mess, or have a toilet training accident, or try to ride our blind and deaf pug like she's a horse.

Jake and Will asked to have a bath in the middle of the afternoon (a favourite pastime in our home for the boys), so Jonathan left Owen watching a Sesame St. video in the main-floor family room while he ran upstairs to run the bath. How long does it take to turn the faucet on, plug the plunger into the drain and lay out a couple of towels?

Rewind an hour or two. Jake had been playing outside on the driveway.

Why is this important? It shouldn't be. It wouldn't be in anyone else's house. We've got a nine year old who, like other kids his age, is allowed to come in and out of the front door without having to make a grand announcement about it to his parents. But in THIS house, we have a nine year old who is fiercely proud of this bit of independence, but we also have two seven year old little boys who are likely envious of their big brother's free coming and going's, but they aren't allowed to do the same.

Why?

Because they have autism. Because they don't understand the safety rules. Because their parents are paranoid that because they are non-verbal and trusting, they might wander off with a stranger. Because they are non-verbal, we can't ask them if they understand the rules and the guidelines and the limits to where they can go and if they'll come back. Because their behaviour is unpredictable, we don't know if they might chase a car that drives by, or run up to a stranger to sniff their clothes or touch their shiny hair or push them off their bike so they can have a turn.

Because of this, because their busy parents can't hang out in the playground and the driveway all day, the twins were indoors on a day where they probably wished they weren't. And Jake got to play outside. And when Jake came inside and settled in, he didn't make a grand announcement about it.

And we didn't latch the door after he came in.

As simple as that. The door wasn't latched.

Back to my question. How long does it take to turn the faucet on, plug the plunger into the drain and lay out a couple of towels? -Long enough for Owen to seize the opportunity, put on his light blue rubber boots and make a run for it.

The $110 a month security service we installed after Will's first runaway mission a few years ago didn't help us today. Because it wasn't activated. You don't activate an alarm during the day when you are in and out every 20 minutes when it's so nice outside. The chime that went off on the main floor to alert us of the door's opening, wasn't heard by myself in the basement office, or by Jonathan who was hearing the rushing water from the tap upstairs. In the less than five minutes for Jonathan to come back downstairs and see the front door wide open, Owen was gone.

Sprinting downstairs to pop his head into the office to see if Owen was with me, I learned Owen had run. The playground five doors down was my first thought and Jonathan's too. Off he went running. I sprinted up to the bath and dragged Jake and Will out of it, begging Jake to hurry so he could get on his bike and start searching the street. Will wasn't happy to leave the tub and I had to drag him outside to the driveway, where I saw the neighbours running along the sidewalk, peeking into backyards and alerting others to join in their search. With no luck at the playground, Jonathan took off into the provincial park, headed for the Bow River. My heart sank watching him go and I started to shake.

Owen has never run. It has always been Will we've had to keep an eagle eye on. Owen whines after having to walk more than 10 steps. He begs for piggy-backs and opts for the wagon. It's never Owen. This is bad.

I got Will into the van to begin my own search. Jonathan came back through the gates to the park with his arms up in the air, shaking his head no. Oh my God. If he's not in the Park and not at the playground, where the hell is he??? God forgive me. I thought, if he's not at the riverbed, it's because he's already floated down the Bow. Black Fear.

My neighbour told me I needed to call 911 before going off on my own search. I did and I heard a voice tell me that I had to wait because operators were busy on other calls. Are you kidding me?!?! Police were dispatched, they kept me on the line, asked me to stay put. Did I know what Owen was wearing? -Oh God, I couldn't remember what shirt he had on. I'm a terrible parent. I remember telling her that he was toilet training and we had had to change his clothes several times that day and I couldn't remember. Did he have a buddy who's house he probably went to? -No. He has no friends on the street. I started to bawl. I was crying in fear that Owen wouldn't live to have a true friend. She asked if I had other children. -Yes, he is a twin to a brother who also has autism and a younger brother to Jake. I heard her gasp, then try to cover up her surprise by saying that we have our hands full and she can tell that we are wonderful parents. Ya. Really wonderful. We don't latch doors and our kids disappear right under our noses. She promised me that several cars were patrolling and searching for Owen. That they were usually successful and found missing children very quickly. Usually.

Fifteen minutes, 30, I don't know how long. It felt like a lifetime. The police officer told me that they had received a call and they believe they have found a boy who fit our description. I remember hanging on her every word, waiting for her to tell me he was okay. She asked me to hang in there with her while she waited for more information. I waited. I was rewarded for my patience. "A woman phoned police to let us know that she picked up a little boy who fits Owen's description. We're sending police to meet her and they'll let us know shortly if it's him."

It was. Owen was found about one and a quarter miles away. The kid who hates to walk. In his light blue rubber boots. He was seen crossing a four lane busy road by a passerby, who fortunately, was not a psycho-sicko and who had previous experience working with kids with autism. She pulled over, picked him up and waited for the police. God Bless Her. I hope she knows we are eternally grateful. I also hope she knows that the best way to get rid of the stink is to just roll down the windows. Our toilet-training Owen pooped in her car. Oops.

I squeezed him so hard I think I scared him enough to not run ever again. I lectured him and told him that he can't ever scare Mommy and Daddy like that again. He shook his head no, as if to say that he should never run away again, but he had a smirky grin that told me who knew exactly what worry he caused and he seemed quite pleased with himself.

He is now sound asleep in his bed, curled up like a turtle with his comforter over his head. He will most likely sleep soundly, with only memories of an adventure dancing his head. He won't realize that his parents are in bed on the other side of his wall. Wide awake and trying to distract themselves from allowing their minds to replay the day's nightmare. Reminded yet again that if you try and pretend that you are a normal family, doing normal things, autism will remind you of why you cannot. You must always remain vigilant and alert. You must have three sets of eyes, three sets of ears, twenty sets of hands and quick feet. You must have loads of money to pay for the expenses of GPS bracelets, security systems, reinforced locks and doors, special windows that don't open all the way, the salary of extra aides to help shadow your children's every move and the therapy to teach safety, even if it takes 5 years of repetition teaching. You must have the patience of a saint, the energy to exceed that of your children and the courage to take on every challenge. You must have the ability to put yourself fourth and use your mind-over-body ability to suppress the need to pee, shower, or eat -because you're not allowed to do these things, lest you take your eyes off of your child.

I suppose that besides the lessons in safety that were reinforced today, autism also delivered us a gift. A reminder to be grateful for the boys that we have. For every moment that we have with them. Because as I tucked them in tonight, the thought that I may not have had my child to put to bed this night, was not far from my mind.

We are very aware.

Light It Up Blue

2010-04-01T00:02:00.000-06:00

It's a big day.

TO LIGHT IT UP BLUE
(taken from http://www.lightitupblue.org/)

On the night of April 1, prominent buildings across North America and the world including the Empire State Building in New York City and the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada will be lit up blue to raise awareness for autism and to commemorate World Autism Awareness Day on Friday, April 2.

And we’re aiming to light the world blue, too – city by city, town by town – by taking action to raise awareness about autism in our communities.
Other things you can do to Light It Up Blue

* Wear your Autism Speaks puzzle piece pin every day throughout the month of April, and tell people about autism if they ask about it.
* Change your Facebook profile picture to the Light It Up Blue logo and tag at least 10 of your friends.
* Post on your blog about how you are “lighting it up blue” to raise autism awareness.
* Add the Light It Up Blue logo to your e-mail signature … and type your e-mails in blue!
* On April 2 wear blue clothing and ask your co-workers, schools and friends to wear blue too. Take pictures and add them to our Flickr gallery.
* Bake puzzle piece shaped cookies and frost them with blue icing, then bring them to your school, work or place of worship to raise autism awareness.

For every family who tomorrow, may learn that their child is one out of the 110 children who will receive the diagnosis of autism, for every child who faces an unknown future in a world that has not yet figured out how to support them, for every adult on the Spectrum who struggles with acceptance, for every person who still uses the word Retarded and thinks that it's an acceptable word to describe people with autism, for every employer who still doesn't see the potential in hiring a person who has autism, for every professional who is challenged with the task of telling a parent that they suspect their child has autism, for all of these people and all the other zillions who are indirectly affected, please show your support of the Light It Up Blue campaign and help us to Shine a Light on Autism. Raising Autism Awareness is not just to show support, but an opportunity to eradicate ignorance.

Light It Up Blue

Note: If you live in Canada, on Thursday, April 1st, 2010 The Globe and Mail
will publish a special information feature for Autism Speaks Canada.
Please try and take a look if you can. If not, please visit http://www.autismspeaks.ca/ on Thursday if you missed the paper version.

The Bilodeau's - a Golden Family

2010-02-20T17:16:00.001-07:00

The Olympics always have a way of finding a hero for a country to become enamoured with. Alex Bilodeau made Canada proud when he won Canada's first ever gold medal on Canadian soil. He will forever be remembered in the history books for this achievement, but he will also be remembered for the family he comes from.

(credit: Charla Jones/The Globe and Mail

The Bilodeau's have had an impact on me. In hearing their story and their experience of how they have raised their three children, Alex, Frederic and Beatrice, I have been inspired to re-think how I am raising my three. Alex was a hockey player, it was his passion and he was following in his father's footsteps in pursuing his love of the sport. Mom stepped in early on and forced Alex to give it up. He would have to choose a sport that he could enjoy with his entire family. One that his brother, Frederic, could participate in as well. Frederic has cerebral palsy and his mobility is very limited, but he was able to ski. So Alex conceded and the family skiied together.. this sport became Alex's new passion and the rest is Olympic history.

It has inspired me to pursue/seek out a family activity that all five of us can enjoy and do together. Not an easy task, given our financial situation and the varying levels of interest and ability between the three boys. But hearing the Bilodeau's story has really moved me and I am determined to make this our story. I don't expect a gold medal at the end, but I do hope to achieve the sense of unity that the Bilodeau's share.

Please take the time to read this article about them. It's really quite remarkable.

The Bilodeaus: Elusive truths from an unforgettable family
(the Globe and Mail)

The night Alexandre Bilodeau won his gold medal, his sister Béatrice was beside herself as only a 16-year-old girl can be beside herself.

One moment he was Béatrice Bilodeau's brother and the next he was Alexandre Bilodeau, winner of the gold medal for freestyle skiing, Canada's first on Canadian soil - glory of our glory, the first of our triumphs.

"He went on the media, and he was just gone," Béatrice remembers. She gave him a hug at the foot of the hill, and then he was swallowed by the adoring, proud masses.

Afterward, back alone in the hotel with her father, Serge, and mother, Sylvie, Béatrice did what she always does when she feels sad or bad: She talked to Frédéric, her eldest brother. He could always hear her...

Why Autism Sucks Today

2010-02-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I just want you to know I'm not having a bad day and I'm not in need of a pick-me up or sympathy. Just stating the facts.

By saying that autism sucks, I am not saying that I hate my children. I concur that autism is a part of who they are, but just because I hate it, it doesn't mean that I hate that part of my boys. But you can't tell me that a person who has Multiple Sclerosis or blindness, loves all that those afflictions bring to them. We can embrace the uniqueness that autism has distinguished upon them, we can be grateful for the life lessons that it has taught us, we can even say that we wouldn't have it any other way. But for Owen and Will, at this time in their lives, I wish we had never heard of the word autism.

I'm not completely sure if Will and Owen are cognitively aware of their differences from their same-age peers. However, I do believe that they are not oblivious to the anxiety, fear and frustration that their challenges put upon them.

Will's predominant challenge is his OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) traits. Will goes through periods where I believe his mind is absolutely consumed with the tormenting desire to control his environment. He can fall asleep after a bout of repeating the same sound effect he heard on a video, a couple hundred times, and before you can make eye contact with him to say good morning, his mind is already distracted and drawn back to making the sound over and over again. It blocks out the outside world, it raises his anxiety, it frustrates him when he ups the ante and he realizes he can't achieve his goal. He is tormented. I believe that Will's OCD has interfered with his communication as well. Where he could once utter a complete word and enunciate each of its phonetic parts, his OCD has caused him to manipulate the sounds so that they are no longer intelligible.

Autism sucks for Owen. Seven years old and Owen is still in a diaper. He has never been an eater; at his best, he may have eaten from a diet of 4 or 5 items and for the past two years, he eats no solid food and still drinks from a bottle. Owen cannot speak and he continues to struggle with physical challenges and fine and gross motor control. He is such a lovely little soul, generally a happy and loving kid and is smart as a whip. But in a world without language and two older brothers usually hustle him out of the way to get what they want, Owen seems to have little control over his surroundings. So what CAN he control? His eating (or lack thereof). Toilet training. Refusing to follow instructions. It's understandable though, isn't it? As frustrating as it is for us, it breaks my heart to think that he's not eating just to exert some control over his life.

This post could go on forever so I'll quit while I'm ahead. Autism will still suck tomorrow. But I'll be focusing my attention on my sons and not their challenges.

Almost Back!

2010-02-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

Oh! Bloggy World! I have missed you so!

I have received many thoughtful messages and I must apologize that I did not get back to all of you, nor did I visit other blogs or post a quick note to let you all know that we were all alive and well. I am sorry. Because we are all alive and well. Just super busy. And always pulled in so many directions.

When I last posted about little James, I was really shaken up. In fact, I think in my head, I became a little obsessed-- preoccupied, with thoughts about what he went through and how his family was coping with his loss. The next day I didn't want to blog about it again, in fear that I would appear too dramatic, but I couldn't think of anything else to write about. Then the day after that, I felt guilty about spending time on the computer instead of using the time to be with my kids. Then another day bled into another and I realized how much I was accomplishing when I wasn't on the web and it was harder and harder to justify getting back into it. Because I can't be a blogger without reading the blogs of all my followers too and that takes up a lot of time.

But what did I learn from my two month hiatus? --

That I can't live without blogging. A big piece of me has been missing and I have genuinely missed it. I need to make the time for myself to write because I feel like it's the one part of my day where I am Stacey again. Not just 'Mom' or 'Wife' or 'Housekeeper'. There will definitely be times when I just don't have the time to drop by and comment on all the blogs I want to, but know that I want to! If there could just be 30 hours in every day, then this would be a cinch.

We have a lot to catch up on. But today I'll just leave you with a few pics from the past few weeks. Ahhh.. it's nice to be back.

toothless 0wen in a yoga pose in gym class - pic sent to me by his teacher. sooo cute!

Jake sweeping up at his last Irish Feis (dance competition)

Will and Dad chillin

Drop me a message.. let me know how YOU've been doing...

It could have been our story

2009-12-08T01:14:00.000-07:00

I wrote this little message to my friends on Facebook, on June 4, 2007:

I'm posting this to 'vent'. I've got a blog to do this stuff, but right now this seems easier.

We have had a really scary weekend. As our friends know, our 4 yr old twins have autism. There's always something new to worry about with our boys. With Will, one day it might be that he refuses to walk because he needs/wants to line his toes up together and won't take a step, the next day he may decide that he's set rules up around food and he won't take a bite. This weekend he thought it would be fun to run away to our nearby provincial park & the Bow River.

I'll leave out the details, but you don't have to be a parent to know how terrifying this was for us. Jonathan was in the washroom, home alone watching the kids yesterday when Will made a run for it out the front door. By the time Jonathan discovered he wasn't in the house, he had to leave the other two boys on their own so that he could run & search. He made it all the way to the Bow River and fortunately, a group of women stopped him before he could go right in. They contacted the police and Jonathan had some explaining to do when he got there. Will was oblivious to all of the excitement and his only scars were the smattering of mosquito bites he got from being in the bush.

We've got an alarm system that was installed for this very reason. Sometimes Will gets up while we're sleeping and we don't hear him and he wreaks havoc throughout the house. He's got a chime that goes off when his bedroom door opens so that we hear that he's awake and all of the exterior doors have an alarm when they are opened as well. But it's summertime and our windows are all open to keep us cooled in the heat and the birds are louder than the alarm so we are not hearing it.

We woke up this morning to find no Will in his bedroom. No Will anywhere and the front door wide open. This time we think he only had five minutes on us and Jonathan sprinted into the Park while I drove the neighbourhood, looking for him. Lucky for us some cyclists on their way to work on the paths along the River, found him and stopped him.

In only his PJ bottoms, a non-verbal little boy running in bare feet. He's safe and already trying to pry open the lock on the back door to get into the backyard as I sit here writing this. New locks are out on the table, ready to be drilled into the doors and a call to the security company is on today's agenda to figure out how to make our alarms louder.

The worry never ends.

When it was written, Will had yet to come his closest at causing this family a lifetime of heartache. He succeeded in reaching the rushing river and jumped in, lured by his fear and the rush of adrenaline he thrives off of. Again, someone was watching over him (and us) and a man walking by saw him go in and he jumped in after him.

I don't tell this story without emotion or off-handedly. It remains a reality in our life and it rears its terrifying head every now and then when we least expect it and become nonchalant. It is the fear that makes my blood run cold and the nightmare that wakes me, while I'm left with the chills, remembering how I just jumped in a river and came out without my little boy in my arms.

My thoughts have been preoccupied the past two days, as the story hit the news of a missing 7 year old autistic boy who went missing in Nova Scotia, without a winter coat, after wandering off into the woods, following his dog. James Delorey went missing Saturday afternoon and although it was happening on the other side of Canada, I'm sure anyone who has a connection to someone who has autism, was glued to the story as I was.

He could have been Will. He could have been Owen.

He's non-verbal. He doesn't respond to his name. Lost.

His mother must have lived in terror. How can you get through the night knowing your baby is out there in the woods in the dark. In the freezing winter cold.

When we hear of stories like this, it's almost automatic to create a detachment so that you can 'cope'. If you don't learn the details, you don't have to feel bad. If you listen to the facts and turn your brain off to the imaginings of how the players in the story are feeling, then you don't have to feel anything at all other than interest. I try. I try so hard to not care. To not pay attention. To not dwell on the details. To leave the news in the newspaper and walk away unaffected. But that's not who I am. I'm a try their shoes on kinda person. Sometimes I wish it weren't so, but it is.

So when I heard about James, I immediately ached for his family and for him. I imagined the worst, but I hoped for the best. I joined the facebook group created to share information and coordinate the prayers for his safe return.

Today our prayers were answered and James has been found. His dog, Chance, came out of the woods this morning and returned home. Rescuers were able to follow his tracks that led to an unconscious and severely hypothermic James. Barely alive, but alive. He is currently in hospital, in critical condition.

I watched his pictures flash across the screen and had the vague thought that he had that sweet look that my boys have, that many children with autism seem to have. A look that almost seemed familiar to me.

Then an image of James flashed of him wearing a graduation cap.

James

It reminded me of Owen's graduation cap that he wore in August when he graduated from his school program:

Take a closer look.

Owen's therapist came to our house tonight for a session, quite shaken up. It seems Owen was James' classmate this year, here in Calgary. Before his family moved back East to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia.

It could have been our story. This one's too close to home.

Please, please, please say a prayer for James and his family. And for all families who live with these truly founded fears. Pray James' story doesn't repeat itself for anyone else and that he comes out of this healthy.

For more on this story: click here.

Poopy Snow Day

2009-12-05T10:08:00.001-07:00

We got hit with a doozy yesterday in Alberta. I kept the twins home for a snow day and now it looks like we won't be going anywhere again today. For my deep south neighbours who say they miss the cold- you can have it! I like the cold and the snow, and I even LOVE a snow day or two, but when you're trapped indoors and a trip to get milk takes a couple of hours, it's not worth it. Forecasts say we have a whole week of this and temps will be around -20 all week with the windchill on top of it. Yuck. We were supposed to go out to cut down our Christmas tree tomorrow, but if this continues, I don't think that will happen.

So what does this mean for us? Well, Owen is quite content. He LOVES his computer and has been watching his video clips for the last hour on Zac Browser. He is currently OBSESSED with this particular video clip. Appropriate because we will finally be potty training over the Christmas break, so hopefully he's preparing himself.

"She's a super-duper pooper, she can potty with the rest. She's the best pooper we know!"

You must watch the whole thing. It's creepy. But it's also addictive. For Owen anyways. He has listened to this same vid at full volume, probably 200 times in the past two days. Now we're all singing it.

Are you a super duper pooper?

This week is going to be a long one.

Building a Village

2009-12-02T23:12:00.001-07:00

Writing a blog has brought so much to my life, especially this past year. I have met some wonderful people and have been lucky enough to find some fantastic writers, not to mention comedians out there in the bloggy world.

One of my greatest 'finds' is a wonderful blogger known as Unknown Mami. She is at times hilarious, warm, very generous with her support of other bloggers and she offers such a unique voice to Mommy bloggers. She also hosts a cool meme where she invites bloggers to post photographs of their locations, so we can get a virtual holiday via Sundays In My City.

Unknown Mami honoured me with an invitation to participate in her new initiative. With Nancy from If Evolution Really Works, they saw a need for creating a community of bloggers that showcases writers and their blogs that is content driven.

Life 2 Us is a website where you can submit posts, find new blogs, new readers, speak your mind, and interact. I was invited to submit a piece on Fear and I joined in this new community of bloggers. I am really looking forward to being a part of this growing village. Please stop by!

Things you shouldn't do when you have a MIGRAINE

2009-12-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

things you shouldn't do when you have a migraine..

- wake up
- press the snooze button 45 times after the alarm goes off
- holler to your kids to "come and get your shoes on" because your own voice causes excruciating pain (insert quick rude husband come-back here: "now you know how I feel")
- drive a vehicle
- drive a vehicle without having had a coffee first
- sing Hakuna Matata with your kids in the car. Besides your own voice causing you pain, you are now stuck with the song replaying over and over in your mind for the rest of the day
- bend over to pick up the kids' backpacks because the feeling of pressure that presses against the front of your face, might just be your brains about to burst out from your nose
- walk up four flights of stairs in the school. Each step is like a sledgehammer driving a giant nail through the center of your brain
- drive a vehicle on roads slick with shimmering ice, surrounded by blinding white snow, with the sun full in your eyes
YOU SHOULD: pee before you lie down because you'll never want to get up again
- stare at a computer screen, try to be creative and attempt to blog

I'm going to take my own advice finally and get some sleep. Here's hoping for no migraines tomorrow so I can get back to the blogging world!

Lovin' the Muppets

2009-11-26T13:12:00.001-07:00

The Muppets have always been a favourite in our household. Like I needed another reason to love them...

A Tribute To Big Jim Conners

2009-11-22T15:08:00.003-07:00

In lieu of being there, I wrote Gramps' eulogy to be read at his funeral service that took place earlier today. I hope I did him proud.

A person may be someone different to everyone. He may be a father to one. The jokester to another. A miserable bugger to a neighbour and the most gentle soul to his mother. Eulogizing a character like Big Jim is a difficult task because he has lived such a big life and was known by so many. His life was rich with the connections he made with people that spanned from the Toronto area to Eastern Quebec. Everyone from the kids he drove on the school bus, to the hitch-hikers he picked up to give them a lift, to the servers in the coffee shops who served him hundreds of cups while being taught how to make the perfect cup of coffee, to the thousands he entertained with his fiddle in the parks and the legions, to the many he worked with over the years in the cement business, to the boys he played pool with, to the sons and daughters-in law who were the recipients of his words of advice, to the huge family who loved him -– to all of these people, to all of us, he was something different. But the one thing that I’m sure we can all agree on, is that we could all rely on Jim for a great story, a dirty joke worth repeating, and the biggest bear hug we’ve ever had with the smell of his strong aftershave left clinging to our clothes.

Jim’s life wasn’t a simple or stable one; its course taking many twists and turns throughout his 77 years. His roots lay in Strathcona, Deseronto and the Bay of Quinte area of Ontario. He lost his mother, Isobel, when he was but four years old and his brother, Jackie a short time later. These likely proved to be the losses that left their imprint and made him the big-hearted softie he was up until his last days. Passed around to different relatives, Jim spent his formative years living with his aunts and uncles in towns up and down Lake Ontario. Many of his school years were spent up the road at the Ritson Rd., Albert St. and Kingston Rd. schools in Oshawa. He sadly spoke of his regret of not having the stability in his home life to be able to take his studies more seriously and never made it beyond the eighth grade. He spent a short stint in the Army, then married Catherine in 1950 and they had six children; Wendy, Cathy, Vickie, Jack, Tom and Shelley. He earned his wages driving heavy machinery and cement trucks, plowing snow and much later, driving bus while always playing the fiddle and entering in contests to subsidize his income. He moved on to the Ottawa area and with his best friend and partner of 27 years, he and Jenny lived on both sides of the Ontario-Quebec border. He stayed by Jenny’s side through a long battle with cancer until her death in the mid-90’s. Jim found new joy in moving in with his son, Tom and his family in the Ottawa Valley shortly after, where many a kitchen music party took place. Not long after, Jim and Catherine’s long history and friendship proved to be strong enough for a reunion and Jim moved in with her in Ajax. On November 18th, Jim sent Catherine flowers to commemorate their 59th wedding anniversary. His last few years were spent living with his eldest daughter, Wendy here in Bowmanville. He recently spoke of his happiness at his roommate situation and remarked that they shared a beautiful friendship.

You could be sure that if Jim was visiting, he could most likely be found asleep on your couch, remote firmly in his grasp and Star Trek, Law & Order or the Price is Right blaring on tv. If you sneakily tried to pry the remote from his grasp, he’d awake with a start and in his deep gravelly voice say “oh, I’m up just in time for my favourite part”. Many family members’ homes are adorned with some of the woodwork pieces he created, if you could cajole him into making it. You would always find his space surrounded by heaps of crossword puzzles and Word jumbles, pens on every surface, a coffee cup nearby, an ashtray, a stack of lotto tickets and even the odd “book” or two. His books were really gossip rags like the Star or Enquirer, where he preferred to do his crosswords. However, he was known to believe the odd story about the babies born to aliens or dogs that could speak Chinese after eating a plate of chow mein. You could go months without hearing from him, but wouldn’t be surprised to hear the doorbell ring late at night and Jim at your door with a fiddle in hand. You could offer him the master suite of your home and he would always ask to sleep on your couch instead – with the tv on. When you’d offer him a drink, you could be sure he’d clean the glass himself before he’d drink from it. And if he didn’t like your coffee, he’d hop in his car to go out and buy a cup from his favourite donut shop. He always had a dirty joke to embarrass you with and he'd say "don't pretend you don't think it's funny. You'll be telling your friends this joke as soon as I'm not nearby." There is more than one story of him causing a commotion because someone spotted him parked in a car, asleep at the wheel, with no amount of banging on his door to wake him up. The fire and police department on hand, only to find he was just taking a nap. Rumour has it that there was a cigarette in his hand from before the age of 9, and although it was a habit that caused much stress to his lungs, it was a characteristic that undeniably accessorized him as much as the fiddle did. If you could handle the smoke, many great conversations took place while sitting with him on a back porch or in his van or car. Always a man who liked to look good with his dry cleaned and pressed shirts and pants, he also liked to smell good with his Aqua Velva, Old Spice or most recently- the expensive stuff. It is said that you couldn't go anywhere with Big Jim where he didn't know someone there. Especially in Ontario. He told stories of being pulled over for speeding by the police, but getting off because he was recognized and was later invited to their homes to play a tune for their families. Or of going to Santa’s Village in Bracebridge, only to be recognized by the Jolly Man himself. Family members can all relate to meeting people who would learn of their connection to Jim and recount how they’d once heard him play at a wedding, or in a hall and that he was the best they’d ever heard.

Jim had a true gift. He could make the fiddle dance. He never learned to read music, but was self taught on his grandfather's fiddle, before buying his own 1890's Collin-Mezzin violin off a bootlegger in 1955. Absolutely beautiful music came from his hands. He could do tricks and wow even a non-loving listener with his version of Orange Blossom Special. He recorded a couple of LP's; Fiddle Park Favorites and Reels, Jigs and Hornpipes. He also starred in a live tv show on Barrie, ON television. Pembroke, Shelburne and Bobcaygeon Fiddle contests just won’t be the same without him.

Above all else, he will be remembered by his large family for being very loving, despite his stubbornness and quick temper. Wrongs were usually righted, mistakes were often admitted and broken relationships mended. Even in times of separation or estrangement from family members, he was fiercely protective of them and wouldn’t allow a mean-spirited comment to be made in their name. He was loyal to his own elders, his aunts and especially his mother-in-law. He couldn’t drive through Napanee without stopping to see Catherine’s mother- he was the only one who could tell her a dirty joke and make her laugh and not get smacked. He could melt years of hurt with the bear hug and a gruff apology.

He may have tried to take personal credit for his children’s success, but he was so happy to see the successful lives they had created for themselves, their spouses and for all of their children. You would hear him brag that they were a great looking bunch that all took after him.

For his daughter Shelley, he loved their shared sense of humour, her quick wit and booming laughter at his stories. He could always count on her to dance to his tunes.

In Tom he had a true friend and kindred spirit with their shared love of the fiddle. In many ways, looking at Tom now you can see Big Jim.

Jim was so proud of the family man that his son Jack had become and of his new retirement home he had made for himself and Sharon. Jack and Jim were the Abbott and Costello of joke telling and they spent hundreds of hours together in this past year during Jim’s stays in hospital with Jack keeping him company.

In Cathy he had a daughter whose voice he loved. At every reunion and jam, you’d find Cathy at his side, singing along to his playing.

Vickie recently enjoyed the opportunity to accompany her dad out West for his first visit to the Canadian Rockies. He always waited for Vickie’s kisses and fondly looked to her for her resemblance to his late mother, Isobel.

In Wendy he had a deep friendship and pride. She bossed and adored him at the same time and he loved every minute of it.

Even up until his last days in hospital, he was heard rhyming off on his fingers, the number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren that he had. Not to mention the great-grand-babies on the way. This past summer, he proudly sat behind his son, Jack as he watched Melissa walk down the aisle to marry Keith and he was looking forward to seeing Brandon marry next summer, with his son (and Jim’s great grandson), Devin in tow. He had always hoped that his passion for the fiddle might be passed down to the grandkids and happily found it implanted in Nathalie. He recently even jokingly took credit for Andrew’s deejay’ing success as being a musical trait he had passed on to him. He felt fortunate for having had the opportunity to live with Ryan and Dylan and even bought them all their once-upon-a puppy, Marty. Jacquelyn and Michelle were lucky to enjoy living close to their Granddad in recent years. The older grandkids; Valerie, Stacey, Rodney and Stephanie may remember the Christmas where he grandly took them to a Toys R Us and told them they could buy whatever they wanted. I’m speaking for Stacey and Jonathan when I say that they feel blessed to have had the opportunity for Jim get to know their sons, Will, Owen and Jake while recently in Calgary. The kids all have memories of stories he told, the time Stephanie soaked him with a hose in the backyard, when another grandchild shockingly yanked off his toupee, to times when Jim guilted them into running errands or doing a chore for him. He may not have been a constant presence in their lives, but he was certainly a memorable one.

Big Jim’s life was rich with stories. Full of love and lots of laughs. We won’t be able to drink a cup of coffee, see a pack of cigarettes or hear a fiddle play without remembering him. He will be greatly missed and never forgotten.

Big Jim Conners

2009-11-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

CONNERS, James Glen -

Age 77 years. Peacefully passed away at Lakeridge Health Bowmanville on Friday November 20, 2009.

Beloved husband of Catherine. Dear father of Wendy; Vickie (Geoffrey); Cathy (George); Jack (Sharon), Tom (Nancy) and Shelley (Paul). Predeceased by his best friend and companion for 27 years, Jenny Jenkins. Loving grandfather of Stacey, Stephanie, Valerie, Rodney, Andrew, Melissa, Brandon, Ryan, Dylan, Nathalie, Michelle, Jacquelyn and great-grandfather of Jacob, Owen, Will and Devin. Predeceased by his brother Jack and his parents Peter Louis and Isobel Conners.

Visitation will be held at THE NORTHCUTT ELLIOTT FUNERAL HOME, 53 Division St. N. Bowmanville on Sunday November 22, 2009 from 11am –1pm. A Funeral Service will follow in the Chapel at 1pm. Cremation. Memorial Donations may be made to Autism Society or Canadian Lung Association.

RIP Gramps xo

Big Jim Conners - My Fiddlin' Grandpa

2009-11-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

I posted this two months ago when we brought my Gramps out to see the Rockies for the first time. He spent three weeks with us and got to know my boys- a gift not many great-grand children can say they have had. Sadly, shortly after his return to 0ntario, he had a fall that put him in hospital, where he has been ever since. Pneumonia and lung disease put too much of a strain on him and as I write this, my extended family are with him right now as he prepares to end an era. Life really won't be the same without him, for so many people.

Please keep him in your prayers.
-------------------------

My Gramps has been staying with us for the past few weeks. "Big Jim" Conners has always been this bigger than life personality. He was never a real constant in my life. Always there, but not the type of grandfather who made any effort to stay in touch. You could count on the fact that he would bitch that we should be the ones to call him. He never lived in the same city I did and if he came into town, you might not even know he had been there until after he had left. But when you did see him, he gave the best bear hugs around. He always had a dirty joke to embarrass you with and he'd say "don't pretend you don't think it's funny. You'll be telling your friends this joke as soon as I'm not here." His deep gravelly voice is from years of smoking. Legend has it that he's had a cigarette in hand since the age of seven. He's half Mohawk Indian from the Deseronto, Ontario area, never having known his father and he lost his mum when he was but four years old. Raised by aunts and grandparents, he only made it to the eighth grade. Spent some time in the army, then worked most of his life as a cement truck driver.

Gramps with Aunt Vickie at Spray Lakes, Alberta

	Big Jim Conners - Hillbilly Calypso

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Gramps married my grandmother in 1950, they had six kids together, then he left in '68. Gramps fell in love with a woman named Jenny and they settled in the Ottawa area and later, in Aylmer, Quebec. It wasn't really until my university years that I really got to know my grandfather. I started making my own trips to stay with him and Jenny for a weekend here and there. Jenny passed away from cancer in '95 or '96 and shortly thereafter, he moved in with Uncle Tom. Fast forward another five years or so and Gramps and my Gram reunited and lived in Ajax, ON. This is the Gram, aka Gamma that I have referred to, who now lives 3/4 of her time here with us, in Calgary. Gram and Gramps split again a couple of years ago again and now dear ole' Jim is living with my own mother, in Bowmanville.

	Big Jim Conners - Maiden's Prayer

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Now back to the man. It is said that you can't go anywhere with Big Jim where he doesn't know someone there. Especially in Ontario. He can keep you entertained for hours with stories of knowing Santa at Santa's Village, or of being pulled over by a cop but getting let off because he was recognized and asked to play a tune for him. You see, Gramps has a gift. He was one of the best Canadian fiddle players around. He never learned to read music, but was self taught on his grandfather's fiddle, before buying his own 1890's Collin-Mezzin violin off a bootlegger in 1955. Absolutely beautiful music came from his hands. He could do tricks and wow even a non-loving listener with his version of Orange Blossom Special. He recorded a couple of LP's; Fiddle Park Favorites and Reels, Jigs and Hornpipes. He also starred in a live tv show on Barrie, ON television.

Gramps has shelved his fiddle, too proud now to attempt a tune because his shaky fingers and "out of tune ear" are failing him. But our family members can't hear The Hillbilly Calypso, the Maiden's Prayer, Morning Star or Orange Blossom Special, without picturing Big Jim behind it. He's sitting right here beside me as I write this. I wish we could get a tune out of him now, but I'll settle for the dirty jokes and the cd that we are fortunate enough to have a copy of. And I'll always have this gem video clip to remind me of what a big personality my Gramps still has.

Happy 10

2009-11-06T01:27:00.003-07:00

10 years has gone by so very fast. 10 years ago from the moment that I write this, I was anxiously sitting up in my bed in our basement apartment, trying to write my thank you speech. I was praying for no rain. I was praying that I wouldn't trip down the aisle. I was praying Jonathan hadn't changed his mind.

I was marrying my best friend. The boy who I hated in the 7th grade. Who was my date at our 8th grade graduation and surprised me with a corsage.

We were bickering buddies until the 11th grade, when I got him a job with me at Woolco. In the lamp and pets department. We'd scoop dead fish out of the tanks together and maybe it was then that the spark started to flicker. It was at French Camp that February, 18 years ago, that we fell in love while dancing to Chicago's "You're The Inspiration". *sigh*

Our relationship bloomed through the Ghost era and "Unchained Melody" became our song.

We survived our university years in Waterloo and Chicoutimi. We even survived having a 3rd person in our relationship, WG.

We survived a miserable break-up and a separation that had him living the life in New Zealand while I sorted out where it went wrong and whether it was meant to be or not. Fortunately, he realized he couldn't live without moi and came home to me. My mother forced him to commit to an engagement in our living room, a conversation that left us stunned and me asking "does this mean we're engaged?".

November 6th, 1999. In front of family and friends, he sweat and fidgeted while I tried not to focus on the pain in my feet from the uncomfortable heels. We promised to love and cherish for better or for worse.We celebrated afterwards with a party that kept us up til really late and memories to last forever. We danced to a new song. One whose singer is not this one, but I like this one better.

Ten years later, we have a life that we could have never foreseen. Three boys we adore. Challenges we continue to overcome. Finding faith that we didn't know was there and finding the laughter in the crazy.

If I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would change is our vows. I would include my promise to love you in spite of your pms-like moodiness. I would promise to laugh at all of your jokes so that you would quit laughing at them yourself. I would promise to prop you up when you were too emotionally exhausted from the pressures of taking care of us, of your family. I would promise that quitting is not an option and that we would ride this roller coaster together until our old bones could no longer climb into the cars.

I'm happy that I can still call you my best friend. That we have each other's backs. That we're in this 'til the end. Thanks to Woolco, Wayne, Chicago and Ghost, we're still strong 10 years later. Here is to the next 60. I love you.

Love Daychee xoxo

Post-Script:

I have added another photo for Milon so that he knows he hasn't been left out...

Lemon Throwing #2

2009-11-05T11:50:00.002-07:00

Alicia at Yaya Stuff had a great quote on her blog one day:

"When life gives you lemons, throw them at people."

I had so much fun with this last week that it has inspired me to do it again and write a post about who I would love to throw a lemon at. So get ready to duck.

- My Dell computer is a piece of poo. I would throw lemons at it if I thought it would help, but I would probably only lose the use of more keys. I have had to replace its power cord three times because it bent and threw sparks up at me. I have lost the letters, "o" and "p" and another one that doesn't really matter. My battery died within a couple of months and the whole thing crashed at only a year and a half years old. Instead of throwing lemons at the puter, lets throw some at whoever it was who convinced me to stick with Microsoft -- who is now, I'm sure, sitting on his new and preferred Mac. He gets some apples thrown in with his lemons.

- To the makers of the furnace and all other large appliances that we can't live without. We moved into this house three years ago. Jonathan went out of town that November and coincidentally, Calgary had a two week cold snap of minus 40 temperatures and that is precisely when our 1950's furnace decided to kick the bucket. I was with my three wee ones and we woke up with blue fingernails. I had a wood fireplace that I had no wood for and was afraid to start, because it had a gas log-lighter that had me convinced it would blow the house up if I put wood in there. Three day waiting list to get a heating guy to the house because everyone in the city was also having heating emergencies. It was not a fun time. So when we got the service, we got the bill. $5000 later, we had a new furnace. A new furnace that just broke again three nights ago. This time it was fixable, but all parts that weren't covered by warranty. Naturally. Lotsa lemons for this one.

- To Alberta's Ministry of Health. To the idiots who scared the crap out of everyone, threatening that if parents didn't get their kids vaccinated against the flu and H1N1 they could hold themselves responsible for the future deaths of their children. So that when 300,000 people flocked to the only 4 vaccination clinics in Calgary, the disorganized chaos had people (including high risk, already-sick, elderly and very young) standing outside in the cold with no bathroom facilities for upwards of 8 hours, only to be sent home because it was closing time and guess what? -we've run out of the vaccine. So 5 days later, they've reopened the clinics, but this time it's only for kids 6 months to under 5 years. Tomorrow they'll add pregnant women. After that, they still don't know when they'll have more vaccine for the rest of the population who are now scared shitless.

- Then, to follow up to the above, to the idiot in the Ministry who provided the NHL's Calgary Flames with a private clinic to vaccinate all the players and their families with the shot, while Albertans were left (can I say it again-) scared shitless and now pissed off as well. Bad PR for the Flames, though I don't really blame the players, they were just doing what they were told and most likely not even aware of the situation with the clinics in the city because they were out on the road. But whoever it was within the Flames organization who ASKED for the special treatment - Dumb. Instead of lemons, I think it would be good PR ass-kissing for the Flames to go to the newly opened clinics and hand out lemonade and lemon suckers to all the kids and families waiting in line.

- To professionals who expect phone calls to be replied to ASAP, but whose voicemails are always full. And to those same people who want documents returned to them ASAP, but only by mail. And to those same people who are angry because they've screwed up and choose to blame ME because they don't know how to read a contract. Ya. I'm really mad about this one, but all I can do about it is throw virtual lemons.

- To the makers of band-aids who haven't yet come up with a bandaid that my kid hasn't figured out how to pick off, then bleed all over himself.

- To the makers of BlackBerry who haven't come up with a device that doesn't need to be replaced four times within a one year contract. I have a phone that won't let me make or answer a call unless it's plugged in. I can't type a text or email without it shutting down and if it's on vibrate, it won't stop, but won't let you answer it either. This one can be dunked in lemon juice.

- To my pug, Matilda. Who we all adore. But her snoring is keeping me up at night. And now that she's gone deaf, I can't just yell at her to be quiet. She needs a baby lemon toss. Just a friendly reminder that I need my sleep too and she's already getting 20 hours a day, and I deserve at least 6.

- To the 7th, 8th and 9th graders that my husband teaches: PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN WHEN HE IS TEACHING Y0U! Don't be talking to your friends while he's teaching a lesson, or typing on your cell phone, or sleeping, or being just plain rude. Don't think it's funny to make farting noises or pretend to flick boogers at other students while a class is going on. Don't say, two months after blogging as part of your class, that you don't even understand the point of it or know your class' blog address. Even though I know that your teacher did all these same things in the 7th, 8th and 9th grades (except for the blogging because us geezers didn't even know the idea of the web was thought of yet)... he did all these same things, but when Y0U do them, it makes living with him miserable when he comes home from school. Pretty please? Because it won't be chalk chucked at the top of your heads, but I'll be in there with lemons.

- To the guy that flipped me the bird this morning while my kids were in the car. Y0UR fault. Sometimes I'll admit when I've cut you off because I was daydreaming about the blog I had to write, but this morning, I signalled for a good full two minutes and you sped up just to be an arsehole and I had no choice but to cut you off or I'd miss my turn. It's not nice to show me your knobby-knuckled middle finger whose fingernail looked like it hadn't been trimmed in FAR T00 L0NG!! Maybe they will help you to peel those lemons I'm about to throw at you...

a Bloom'in Interview

2009-11-04T23:40:00.001-07:00

I haven't disappeared. It's the curse of the missing "o" from my laptop keyboard that has kept me away. It's not fixed, but I can cut and paste for this mini post.

I have recently started to follow a blog called Bloom-Parenting Kids With Disabilities and its writer, Louise, has also become a frequent visitor to ours. She recently asked me to participate in a little interview to share our story about our reasons for the move across the country three years ago.

This is what it looked like:
Bloom-Parenting Kids With Disabilities

Happy Hour Friday #2

2009-10-29T23:52:00.000-06:00

Otin hosts this Friday game where we're asked to just take a moment to talk about what makes us happy. I figured that I needed a post to offset all the negatives that I let loose yesterday in my Take a Peek Through Our Window post.

Here goes:

- We have a new pumpkin in the family!! I am thrilled to announce that our Pumpkin-Farmer friends back in Ontario, added another little girl to the pumpkin collection. Grace Anne has made Isabella a proud new big sister and has also made three little boys in Calgary very excited to meet their new 'cousin'. In absence of a photo of the newborn, I'll show off her adorable sister instead.

- I got a lot of kind comments following yesterday's post about what a great mom I am and how wonderful I must be and how beautiful and stunning and witty and charming.... okay, so I'm exaggerating a little. But the comments were so sweet. But now I feel guilty about it. Because truly, life isn't that bad to warrant me getting such a pat on the back. I know that there are parents out there who may have children with physical disabilities whose needs FAR surpass my children's. Or people who are caring for their own elderly parents. Or people who have no children of their own, but are caring for other people's. I'm just doing what I do because it's our life and it's the way it is. I hope Otin doesn't mind, but I'd like to share an exchange we had because I think it best describes my feelings about this. He said: "it must kill you to hear people complain about silly things like having to get up early or their days at work!". To which I replied, "No, it doesn't. It's all relative, isn't it? I couldn't live a boring life either, it would make me crazy! I'd probably still choose mine. A single mom with even one child earns my respect. Or someone who works outside all day doing physical labour. As tacky as it sounds, I just think everyone needs to be kinder to each other and appreciate that we all have our own stories and challenges. There's no such thing as perfection." I am happy to have enlightened some of you who may have had no prior knowledge of some of the challenges that families with autism may be going through, because I hope it will give you pause before judging the next parent you see with a tantrumming kid.

- GEEK ALERT!! But I am so excited to have learned this week that there is a new L.M. Montgomery (author of Anne of Green Gables) book that has just been released, entitled "The Blythes Are Quoted".

These comments come from the Publisher: "Adultery, illegitimacy, misogyny, revenge, murder, despair, bitterness, hatred, and death-usually not the first terms associated with L.M. Montgomery. But in The Blythes Are Quoted, completed shortly before her death and never before published in its entirety, Montgomery brought these topics to the forefront in what she intended to be the ninth volume in her bestselling series featuring her beloved heroine Anne." Sounds great to me!

- I am happy for my kids that it's Halloween on Saturday. The twins don't really have an understanding of what's going on, but they do get the routine of going door to door. Unfortunately because of their restricted diets, they don't get a lot of the treats, but I plan to run ahead to every house on Saturday with pieces to a puzzle for Owen and some diet-friendly treats for Will, to ask the neighbours to hand those out instead. Tomorrow Jake and I are headed to his school dance (3rd grade people, can you believe that! AND he asked a girl to go with him and it wasn't me!), then on Saturday our whole family was invited to a Halloween party! I am very, very happy about this, more for Jake, Owen and Will's sake than my own, because we have never been invited to anything before. Usually we get the polite invite that awkwardly suggests only bringing Jake and one parent, unless it's from one of our friends in the autism community. Anyways, we're thrilled to be invited, even if we only last 10 minutes. And when I say I'm happy for my kids, I'm including my husband in that statement. He already has his costume ready and did a little dance in it tonight for our benefit.

- I am happy that my boys are still all healthy (knock wood), despite the fact that H1N1 is in their schools.

- I am happy that a Chinook is rolling in tomorrow, just in time to warm this city up for Halloween.

- I am happy to report that I think we've killed off all those miserable mice!

- I am that I've had some new followers this week and have gotten to meet some really great people in the blogging community. I only wish I could get more organized to find some time to spend on each of their blogs. Eventually, I'll get a rhythm going and get on top of comments and blog browsing.

- Here are all the reasons why you shouldn't feel sorry for us and our circumstances:

* because autism has made us appreciate every single achievement that our kids accomplish, that we may have otherwise taken for granted.
* because autism has taught us to be parents who are not complacent and who realize that action and hard work is the only way you can change your circumstances. Sitting and moaning about your life isn't going to make it any better.
* because autism has brought the five of us closer together and has given us a stronger bond with Jake because of our common challenges with his brothers.
* because autism has introduced us to some amazing people who I would have never met otherwise. It has forced a deeper level of friendship with a handful of friends that may have never happened had it not been for our boys' diagnosis.
* because despite our initial upset, Owen and Will's diagnosis forced us to pack up and move across country to Calgary and we love it here. We could have never foreseen living out West otherwise.
* because my boys don't speak, they show us love in ways that other parents may never experience.
* because autism has taught us tenacity, perseverance, patience, tolerance, acceptance, joy, compassion, passion and understanding. We see beauty in things that others see as ugly. My boys have taught me to find humour in the everyday and to see that intelligence doesn't just mean that you can summarize what you've read in a book.

- I am happy to have Happy Hour Fridays to remind me of all that I am grateful for. I hope you all have a great weekend and Happy Halloween!

Take a Peek Through Our Window

2009-10-28T23:46:00.001-06:00

This morning I was up in my bathroom, brushing my teeth. I looked around my bedroom and thought to myself, "I've got a kick-ass bedroom". We've got the master bedroom of the house and it really is awesome. It's huge and takes up the whole depth of the house. It's blue.. a dusty blue that I love. We've got the most comfy king size bed that hubby invested in last year after our sleeping in a smaller creaky mattress that we'd had for 15 years. We've got cable tv on a decent sized tv (but I'd appreciate it if someone would buy a remote for it) and we've got a massive walk-in his and her closet. A huge bathroom with his and her sinks, a soaker tub, decent shower and even a built-in separate toilet with a door so I can brush my teeth without seeing hubby reading his sports mag on the throne. I even have the best chaise longue that sits in my window.

So why am I bragging about my bedroom? There's a flip-side to all of this. I NEVER GET TO USE IT! This isn't going to turn into an x-rated post, don't worry. I just realized how many little things make my life different than the lives of my friends and while brushing my teeth, I had a new reminder.

- I spend no time in my bedroom or anywhere upstairs, unless I'm cleaning, because I need to shadow the twins at all times. I can't shower unless the kids are asleep, in case they roam the house, break into the cupboards, or make a run for it. We have to sleep with the bedroom door (and one ear) open throughout the night in case Will decides to take a run to the river. In other words, it's like living in the newborn stage six and a half years later.

- we had to install a security alarm system in our home, not to prevent burglars from coming IN, but to keep Will from running out. I can't remember if I've blogged about it before or not, but we have gone through some pretty terrifying experiences with our little runaway. One time Will woke up before the rest of us and left the house in his pyjamas, running all the way to the Bow River (it isn't a teeny stream, either).

Fortunately some guys cycling on their way to work caught him before he got in. Another time, he ran away right under our noses and this time he made it IN the river. A stranger walking by happened to see him go in and he jumped in afterwards. So scary. Hence the alarm that now goes off everytime the exterior doors AND Will's bedroom door is opened or closed.

- I have a child who hasn't eaten solid food in two years. Prior to that, Owen's foods were self-limited already to just a handful of different items. But since all foods stopped, he has been on a special, gluten-casein free meal supplement drink. It doesn't come cheap. Neither do his diapers and pull-ups and wipes. It's an expensive thing, having kids. But I do realize I'm preaching to the choir here... sorry..

- There are things that I think many other families take for granted. It can definitely be a struggle to pack up the kids and go grab groceries. It can be embarrassing if your kid cries in a store. But when you've got twins who are both too big to put in the cart and who both take off and bolt in opposite directions, shopping is not an option. Owen and Will are both hyper-sensitive to loud noises and we can't pinpoint what acoustic environments can send them into a melt-down tantrum. Owen drops to the floor into a turtle position, shoulders up and arms covering his head and specifically, his ears.

OR he does the opposite; screams and cries and crumples to the floor in dead weight. If Owen drops to the floor, Murphy's Law can guarantee that Will will likely take this opportunity to bolt. Trips to the grocery store are not an embarrassing inconvenience, but a safety concern. I remember an occasion where hubby was out of town and it was in the heat of the summer. The kids were practically living in the backyard, so they could escape the heat and play on the waterslide that we had set up. The city was doing some cable work in our backyard and had upset several wasps' nests. I am allergic and was unaware if the boys had inherited my allergy, so was obviously in a panic. I was desperate to get to the store to buy some wasp killer, but knew I couldn't go with the twins. It was the most frustrating feeling to know that I couldn't run a simple errand. This little rant didn't even include the fact that Owen refuses to set foot in a public washroom (this one many of us can relate to as well, I'm sure). Really limits the length of time we can be out in public if we can't use the bathroom.

- Will's OCD can drive a family crazy. When Willy's going through a phase of high anxiety and sometimes this can last for months, his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can get out of control. He can be playing in the other side of the house and hear the television or radio turn on and he'll sprint through the house to scream for it to be turned off. If he hears you say the word "to/too/two" he will run and plant himself in your face and insist that you repeat the word back to him. Again. and Again. and Again. and Again... If you turn the lights off, he wants them off. If you throw his comforter across his bed, he wants it left folded a specific way on the footrest. He refuses to get out of the tub until the last drop of water has gone down the drain. He won't let you wear short-sleeved shirts in winter, because he'll tug at the sleeves to pull them down to your wrists. If you typically wear your hair down, he'll try to pull out your hair elastic to make it right. He carries around armfuls of stuffed animals and if they are wearing t-shirts he brings them to you to take them off.

Then put them on. Then take them off. Then put them on. Then off... Any effort made to stop the behaviour in its tracks or not fulfill his irrational request will guarantee a tantrum that will not stop or disappear. Will can be put to bed after one of these episodes and wake up at 4am, immediately searching for the stuffie's t-shirt, or standing above your bed asking you to say the word "two". He doesn't forget.

- Owen's latest stim: ripping and eating paper. His target: every dvd and cd insert he can get his hands on and every book or photograph he can find. This has meant that my library room has become Owen's favourite place to be. You can shadow a six and a half year old as much as possible, but they always find a way to evade you. The result is the destruction of at least 60 of my books and countless photographs. I can't begin to tell you how devastating this is to me, but I am certainly grateful for digital photography. I'm not even mentioning the damage he has done to Jake's room and his bookshelves. It's difficult as the grown-up to not get angry at the situation, but how can you expect an eight year old to be understanding when his brother has destroyed his dvd's and books.

For the record, we are continuously working on teaching the boys the skills they need to tackle each of these issues. But this is just a taste of the extraordinary little quirks that you'll be witness to if you look in our window. I don't tell you this to whine, as much as to explain why we might be a little more harried than the average parent, or unable to come to the phone, or broke because of the extraordinary expenses, or on edge because we're exhausted from the constant battle, or we have no drink to offer a guest because we couldn't get to the store. Have a little compassion for the people around you, because you never know what's going on behind the curtains unless you peek through their windows.

Lemon Throwing

2009-10-26T23:24:00.001-06:00

Alicia at Yaya Stuff had a great quote on her blog the other day:

"When life gives you lemons, throw them at people."

It has inspired me to write a post about who I would love to throw a lemon at. So get ready to duck.

~ Every medical professional who has discounted a parent's pronouncement that their child, who was by all accounts a "typical" child prior to a vaccination, is now clearly autistic. You can spout all the scientific study statistics you want and insist that these parents are simply "fishing for something to blame", but how can you explain kids who could speak conversationally one day, only to regress dramatically to become a non-verbal child with a multitude of other challenges, days after a vaccination?

* I am not one of these parents who can attribute my children's autism to a single episode, such as an immunization. But I know many who have had this exact experience and it is an insult to their intelligence to be disregarded as if they don't know their children. Don't start throwing lemons at me. I promise this isn't an anti-vaccination campaign.

~ Tim Horton's staff at the drive-thru in my neighbourhood. I think they deserve an entire bucket of lemons. We have lived here for over 3 years and I would wager that my order has been right only 1/4 of the time. A large double double coffee isn't that difficult to figure out.

Why do I keep going there? - It's cheaper than Starbucks.

~ Speaking of drive-thrus, my BIGGEST pet peeve lately are the cashiers who keep the penny change they owe you without asking if you want it back.

A year ago, I feel like I was bitching that cashiers just asked me if I'd like my penny change. I was insulted at the mere question! NOW they don't even ask!!! C'mon people! Let's take back our penny pride and demand to keep the change to ourselves. It all adds up.

~ These pictures need no explanation. Unless you are running your fingers through your own ~~hideous~~ glorious comb-over/mullet/rat tail as you are reading this...

I would rather throw scissors than lemons at these guys, but for the bloody mess I'd have to clean up afterwards. I have enough housework already, thanks.

~ To the woman who works at the optometrist's office in the mall near our house who thought Owen shouldn't be allowed to be there (in the mall) "because we have a business to run and we shouldn't have to see this", when Owen and his therapist were working on a program for him to get over his fear of public bathrooms. Sour faced bitch is probably dining on lemons at every meal already.

Maybe she deserves some jalapeno pepper juice in her eyeball.

~ To the Christian preschool who opened their doors to Will last year, saying: "we believe in every child's right to inclusion", only to promptly kick him out a few days later because "he makes really odd sounds sometimes and I have to protect the other children". This one makes my blood boil. But at least they assured me that they would "pray for him".

~ To my son's bus driver who thinks it's appropriate to crank the radio whenever Lady Gaga's 'Love Games' comes on, or Katy Perry's 'I Kissed a Girl'. Have you ever listened to the lyrics? "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick". Or Flo Rida's 'Right Round' lyrics: "You spin my head right round, right round, when ya go down when ya go down down. From the top of the pole, I watch her go down".

Now I have an 8 year old singing these at the top of his lungs. Not cool for 1st to 4th graders.

~ Air Miles Travel sucks. Alright. It doesn't suck when I get a ~~free flight~~ flight for my outstanding ~~spending~~ loyalty out of them. Hubby and I are planning a trip out East to visit his dad and we had it all planned to stay for a one-day layover in Toronto. We were going to meet the new Pumpkin-Baby and see some friends and family. Air Miles won't let us. Instead, we're stuck with an overnight layover in a city where we'll have to spend the extra money (that we don't have) on a hotel. But Montreal is the home of some great poutine,

so maybe I'll spare them those lemons after all.

~ To the inventers of trick-or-treating and to the grocery stores who put out the Halloween candy weeks before the 31st.

Must I explain this one?

***

This felt good. Kind of like therapy, getting all that sour stuff out of my system. I might make a habit out of throwing lemons. I'll finish this off with a lemon recipe.

Lemon Cranberry Muffins

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 cup milk

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 teaspoon lemon extract

1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries, halved

In a large bowl, combine the dry ingredients.
In another bowl, beat the eggs, milk, oil and extract.
Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in cranberries.
Fill paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full.
Bake at 400 degrees F for 18-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.

Stacey's Sunday Bandcamp #6

2009-10-25T23:59:00.001-06:00

Refresher:

My Definition of BandCamp: reference to American Pie when the Michelle Flaherty character goes on and on and on "and this one time at band camp....". I've somehow adopted that expression over the years to refer to my rambling when I hear myself talking and I can't shut up or stop for air. I just realized how based on the American Pie reference, some might assume that BandCamp refers to something inappropriately sexual, but I assure you- it does not. So in this blog, you now know that BandCamp means 'Stacey's babbling and won't shut up'.

And we begin...

* So who was confused with my bLerApy post this week? How many of you thought I had a husband who liked to hunt? Besides stalking Toronto Maple Leafs and Wayne Gretzky in the 90's, Jonathan's not a hunter. If you didn't read the whole post because you were too ~~lazy~~ confused, I was asked to participate in Supah Mommy's new baby, bLerApy. A group of us anonymously blogged a post that was shown anonymously on someone else's blog. Hence my post about Bob the Builder and the hunter = an anonymous writer = not me. I'll be doing it again. It was a lot of fun.

* Have you guys seen this yet? Autism the Musical.

I fell in love with the movie. With the kids. My heart broke a few times throughout and I saw my twins in several of the children profiled. There are moments when I wanted to scream at some of the things I heard and other times I wanted to sob when I felt the parents' frustration. It really was a beautiful and inspiring film, I hope you'll watch.

Here's a glimpse of Lexi and Wyatt. Now tell me our kids don't have so much to offer.

I hate bullies.

* Tonight my dad and I went on Skype so he could see the kids. This living across the country from the grandparents is hard sometimes. My boys are missing out on family as much as they are missing out on my boys. And you know when you've got 5 minutes to have them put on a show for their audience but they refuse? Like when my mom used to try to make my sister and I sing Oh Canada in French for our visitors? So embarrassing. Well, I'm finding myself putting my kids through the same torture. While Jake refused to dance his Irish Reel, Will exceeded my expectations. I put him on camera and he counted to 50 ALL BY HIMSELF and sang his ABC's and Twinkle, Twinkle. All for his Poppa and Nonna. I was so proud.

* Right now I'm reading Tony Parson's "My Favourite Wife". I love everything he's ever written. Has anyone else read this?

* Our best friends from back home, Ian and Jenny, are expecting a baby any minute now. I predict a little sister for Isabella and I'm anxious to find out whether or not I'm right!

* I'm homesick. I hate feeling like this. I just want October to be over so I can start fresh in November. It's a busy week for all of us this week, especially with Halloween coming up. Anyone else having the October blah's?

* This wasn't a bandcamp. This was depressing. I'll start fresh tomorrow. Forget November. Must be bedtime. Night!

bLerApy

2009-10-23T03:00:00.001-06:00

Welcome visitors!

I am hosting an anyonymous post for
bLerApy © day
Hosted by

Princess of Sarcasm and SupahMommy

*Please remember that the post for today is written by an anonymous blogger and not by myself. The views, ideas and opinions expressed are exclusively the anony-bloggers.

* however i might just have a post floating around in the mix
winkwink

After you read today's bLerApy© post: please feel free to snoop around my blog. Here's a post you might like!
The Day Life Changed

I hope to see you again.

___________________________________________________________________________

I am SO all over this. Crap. Where do I begin. I have a couple:

My husband duck/deer/goose/critter hunts. In his words "to put meat on the table" (WHATEVER). His new brainstorm this year was to buy an out-out-of-state Small game License. He came back with one freakin Jack Rabbit. $85 for one stinkin rabbit. I could have eatentwice at a 5 Star Resturant for the price of one scrawny eefffinn bunny rabbit.

Bob the Builder: My kids love Bob. After 6 year of watching Bob The Builder, this is the conclusion I have come to:

1.Wendy need to stop talking like she's stoned.

2. Miss Potts needs to realize her cooking sucks. Especially since her pies are hard enough to stop a runaway trailer.

3. Mr Beasley is a goofy old geezer who needs to step.away.from.the.tools. Assissted Living is in his future.

4. Spud needs to be permanently NAILED to his Scarecrow stand. if I was Bob and Wendy, I woulda kicked his a$$ long ago

__________________________________________________________________________

Below you will find a linky list of anony-musings of famed bloggers world wide. Please visit each host listed below - to view a showcased bLerApy© blog.

Blog Therapy= bLerApy©

coined by Princess

Did you miss out on bLerApy©?

Awww...don't cry.

Join us for the next round!

November 6th 2009.

Blog submissions are due

November 4th 12 midnight.

Find out more by clicking the link below and submit your own!

blErApy © details

Viv Is My Favourite

2009-10-22T21:45:00.003-06:00

Viv of A Proud Mom to Many played along in yesterday's meme and she followed my lead in proving why she is an UN-Warrior:

- I eat organic. Sadly, this includes quite a bit of organic wine and beer...which goes well with organic cheese and chips. Which means that the number on my scale is saying, "jeez Babe, you gonna lay off those binge nights soon, right?"

- Mint Bailey's rocks! There is nothing bad that can be said about a person who starts their day off with Mint Bailey's, that person just has really good taste.

Click HERE to hear Viv try to prove why she isn't worthy of the title of a Warrior Mom.

And here is why I disagree:

I only discovered this Mom blogger recently and already I'm a HUGE fan. This SuperMom has SIX kids: (an 11, 9, 7, 3, 1 year old and a new baby born in May), plus TWO more step-sons. Plus TWO dogs, TWO cats and a long-distance hubby. She is essentially a married single-mom who is doing remarkably well, with a great sense of humour through all of her hardships.

She loves her some coffees: "Why I Need Coffee In Order To Live"

She can cry like the best of us: "It's a Pity Party.."

She writes to Victoria Secret: "Why I Hate Gravity.."

Listen. She's struggling through life as most of us are and like a lot of us moms, she is often isolated from the world of talking grown-ups and could probably use some grown-up conversation now and then. Will ya wander over to A Proud Mom To Many and show her some love?

Who I Am

2009-10-21T20:40:00.004-06:00

I'm playing along with MamaKat in her weekly Writer's Workshop. She provides the prompts and we provide the writing.

The Prompt:

Write a poem describing who you are and/or who you are not.

When I wake up, I am comatose
I am a hand that slaps off the alarm
I am the foot that nudges my husband to get up
I am the zombie that brushes my teeth
I am running late

When I hit the kitchen, the switch has been flicked
I am a multi-tasker
I am the short-order cook
I am the fastest diaper changer, backpack-packer you've ever seen
I am a well oiled machine

When I get behind the wheel, I am Zen
I am lost in my head, lost in my internal daily planner
I am the voice that repeatedly tells Will to quit playing with the window
I am the voice that sings Sesame Street
I am the eyes in the rear-view mirror admiring my boys

When I get to the school, I am melancholic
I am sad to say goodbye
I am proud of where they are
I am the appearance of a Wonder Woman
I am putting on a good show, thanks to my well-behaved boys

Now I am alone.
Now I don't know who I am.
Without the chores.
Without the boys.
Without the husband.
Without the clock.
Who am I?

I am not afraid.
I am not depressed.
I am not bored.
I am not restless.
I am not searching.
I am not unsatisfied.

I am entering a new chapter
I am figuring it out
I am thankful to have this chance
I am going to take care of myself
I am determined to carve out my spot
I am on the path
I am proud
I am confident

When it's 2pm, I am Mom again
I am my children.

But I never forget that tomorrow at 10, I will work at figuring out who Stacey is, again.

This meme was brought to you by MamaKat's Writer's Workshop.

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Why I'm an UN-Warrior

2009-10-20T23:11:00.005-06:00

It's Wednesday! It's your chance to choose one of these blog topics to write about, include the applicable button below in your post, then come back here to include your link in Mr. Linky so we can all click on over to check it out. Don't forget to take a moment to click on a couple other links to see some posts by other bloggers. Tomorrow night I'll be choosing my favourite post and stopping by your blog so that I can write a post profiling YOU! For a refresher on what to write about, see HERE.

Grab My Button

Grab My Button

I am an UN-Warrior and here are the sad reasons why:

- I cry at least once a week. Not because I feel sorry for myself, but because I'm scared.

- We have mice in the house at the moment and even if one was crawling on my kid, I think I'd be paralyzed with fear. Paralyzed while standing on a chair.

- I can preach about nutrition and healthy eating, but I eat like crap when I shouldn't and I can't get my kids to eat vegetables.

- I sometimes start my day with a shot of Mint Bailey's in my coffee (I always leave a giant gulp-full at the bottom so I figure half has sunk so it shouldn't count).

- I'm partially deaf. I rely on reading lips. A lot. But I'm too much of a weenie to get fitted for a hearing aide.

- I can be judgmental. I really try not to be. But I have NO patience for parents who don't put the needs of their kids first or for people who constantly play the victim card.

- I am sometimes really shallow. I got together with my husband because he had great legs. I thought this even in the 11th grade. And fyi: he still has great legs.

- I'm a Mama Bear. But there have been times that I have held my kids from being themselves, because I was more concerned at how other parents would judge us. I'm ashamed of this.

- I can't run. Jake thinks this is a major personality flaw, so I guess it is.

- I can be a miserable bitch. At least once a week. And often, hubby and I snap at each other. Or I beat him up until he cries.

Have you got any advice to share? Or a Warrior you want to write about? Go blog about it. Then come back and don't forget to enter your blog's URL in Mr. Linky below to share it with us. Happy Hump-Day!

Gluten-Casein Free Diet Explanation

2009-10-19T22:41:00.003-06:00

I have avoided this blog post for a long time because I have always found it so difficult to explain. Before I continue, I must preface it by saying that I am not one of those autism moms that insist that it is going to work for every person with autism.

We were at our wits' end a year and a half ago. Owen had quit eating any and all solid food and his pediatrician had put him on Pediasure as a meal replacement. His body was covered in eczema and he had dark circles under his eyes. Will was a crazy man. His hyperactivity was at an all-time high, he hadn't slept through the night since he was born, his tantrums were out of this world and his focus was non-existent. We had been going through a few months of trialing meds and were currently using Ritalin (which I hated with every fibre of my being, not to mention how he must have felt on it). Will had an absolute addiction to carbs and had since he was born, and Owen could survive entirely on milk. Both boys would often get flaming red cheeks and ears following different foods, though we could never pinpoint the cause.

We thought we would try the diet and see what would happen. For Owen, we switched from Pediasure (dairy-based) to a rice-based meal replacement ($$$). Within a couple of days we saw the physical changes in his body; the eczema cleared up and so did the dark circles. He became sharper and more alert, losing the autistic "fog" he seemed to have (lost in his own world). Will became a different kid, or shall I say the best version of himself. Within two days we realized he had to be immediately taken off Ritalin. The hyperactivity disappeared; he sat beside us on the couch to watch tv- he had never sat to do anything before! (leisure-related). He slept through the night. The second night, the third night.. and we never looked back. He virtually toilet trained himself within the next month. He laughed. He started talking.

Did I ever tell you the story of my random dinner with the unforgettable Temple Grandin?

I'll have to save the story for another day, but I will say that it was, for me, like hanging out with Ghandi. She is brilliant. This woman holds a PhD and what I found so interesting, was her response when I asked her what she thought about the Gluten/Casein-Free Diet for people with autism. She told me that when science cannot support a method of treatment or intervention, she launches into her own interview with parents that she's met all over the world at various autism conferences and such. If she can find three people who can satisfy her science brain by answering her very tough questions, then she's convinced it's worth a try. As far as GFCF is concerned, she says she's interviewed hundreds who have succeeded. "It can't do any harm to try and I think it would be stupid not to". Her words, not mine.

I stumbled across a wonderful blog called Pray for Nathan Dorje. Nathan was born with a genetic mutation that caused a brain malformation called severe holoprosencephaly and was later diagnosed additionally with hydrocephalus. It wasn't expected that Nathan would survive, and if he did, he would likely be a vegetable and not have a meaningful life. A few years later and Nathan has so far proved them wrong, though he still faces many challenges. His prognosis is currently uncertain, but in the meantime, his family rejoices in their little boy and they blog to share his story.

His mother, Marcela posted her explanation of the GFCF Diet. I thought it was a wonderfully concise summary of what I could not explain myself.

This is a very extensive topic and requires a lot of education so I thought maybe I’d share a little bit about how we came to understand the relationship between health, development, and diet.

About a year ago I picked up Jenny McCartney’s book about her autistic son. She talks about curing autism with diet and she made clear correlations between the gut and the brain. I’ll try to simplify, but in a nutshell, the proteins in milk and wheat are quite large. When the milk/wheat is digested, it breaks down into smaller components, and the peptides that you get for them are very large. These large peptides have a tendency to perforate tiny holes in the intestines, causing something called “leaky gut”. Through these tiny holes, toxins, peptides, and other elements escape into the bloodstream. The immune system sees them as “offenders” as they are ‘out of context’ – they’re supposed to be in the digestive tract, not floating around in the blood stream. So the immunoglobulins (IgG) attack those substances, causing an allergic reaction. This allergic reaction releases histamine, which is a neurotransmitter that prevents the creation of other neurotransmitters including dopamine and serotonin, which are essential for proper brain development.

Another thing that happens is some of those peptides travel to the brain and in the brain they function like an opiate (like the drug opium) causing a hazy, foggy feeling that prevents proper brain processing and interaction (like being drugged).

Also, if there is constant inflammation, the immune system is always in overdrive, which in and of itself has serious consequences. Eventually they become immuno-suppresed, which leads to other problems.

Also, substances like milk and wheat feed fungus like candida, which releases a nasty toxin into the bloodstream.

I am trying to keep it simple so in a nutshell, wheat and milk are very difficult to process, even for healthy people, and can wreak havoc on children that already have compromised central nervous systems.

There are many books / studies talking about the connection between the gut and the brain. Without a heatlhy gut the brain is functioning at a much lower rate. That was my next step. Even though Nathan has CP, not autism, I made the connection between “compromised nervous system” and gut and a light went off in my head.

In the autism world they recommend the Gluten Free Casein Free Diet (free of milk and wheat). That seemed like my next logical step as they see miraculous recoveries in children with autism using this diet. Even though the symptoms in autism and CP are quite different, they are both CNS disorders so I figured that it was a good connection.

We went cold turkey. One day Nathan was eating cheese, chocolate, milk, and whatever we wanted. The next day he couldn’t have any of it. He had a rough couple of days but we stuck to it and on his 4th day he was okay with the new diet.

We cook everything from scratch. We don’t use anything with preservatives, or anything that may contain hidden traces of milk or wheat. Breakfast tends to be GFCF cereal (with rice milk) or GFCF pancakes (these are sold pre-mixed at health food stores). Lunch is usually vegetables, a grain like brown rice, quinoa, or millet, and a protein (fish, chicken or beef). We buy everything organic for him. Dinner is usually something similar to lunch. He gets 2 snacks which are usually fruit, or carrots, or millet with avocado, or rice cakes, or oatmeal. Nathan can’t chew well so everything is pureed.

The first 3 months were tough because he was detoxing. He was sick a lot. But then we added some of the same supplements used in the autism world (B vitamins, multi-vitamins, etc) and his immune system recovered. Starting Feb 09, Nathan has only been sick twice for a couple of days, he has much more energy, he is more connected, he understands more, he is trying to do new things, he looks rosy and radiates health, he is stronger. Just a couple of weeks ago I was able to see the true power of the diet. We had to break the diet because we are in a foreign country and it took us a little while to figure things out. So for 2 days he was allowed milk and wheat. On the 3rd day Nathan was pale, spacey, very low energy, and irritable. I could see instantly the poor effect these foods had in him. We want back to the diet and after 4 days of detoxing he was back to being connected, healthy, and happy again.

I cannot recommend cutting out milk and wheat enough, our kids have enough going on and don’t need more obstacles to their development.

If you are interested in hearing more about the controversy, here is a decent article that sums it up nicely: CLICK HERE.

Three to four months ago, we re-introduced dairy back in to Will's diet and have seen no negative effects. If Will even takes a nibble of wheat-bread crust, we immediately get a crazy person back in our home. Every moment of this experience has been worth it to have the kids I have today. I believe they feel better, therefor they are happier. I wish any other parents trying to figure it out, the best of luck.

Sundays In My City

2009-10-18T12:40:00.013-06:00

Unknown Mami hosts a beautiful meme on Sundays called 'Sundays in My City', where we get to post photos of where we live basically to make everyone jealous. Pop on over to her blog to get a free online vacation.

I think I need to remember to take my camera with me while running mundane errands throughout the week, so that I have something interesting to show on Sundays. Instead, I went through some of my old photos and found some wildlife we've seen around Calgary and in Banff.

elk

Big Mountain Sheep alongside Lake Minnewanka

Grrrrrrrr

Grrrrr...
these pesky little gophers are everywhere ** see bottom of post for a laugh

I think that tacky-dressed tourists count as wildlife. Atrocious.

this poor ole boy looks past his shelf date

A magpie. A bird I thought was beautiful when I first moved here, until I realized they are scavengers and as annoying as seagulls.

For the grand finale.. outiside of Calgary, there is a museum that is entirely devoted to gophers/prairie dogs. I haven't been, but a friend of mine made the trip out there to see these stuffed vermine. I have to admit that it is quite humorous.

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Rising costs, waiting lists can cause nightmares for parents of autistic children

2009-10-18T09:45:00.001-06:00

Rising costs, waiting lists can cause nightmares for parents of autistic children

Shared via AddThis

Our Week in Pictures

2009-10-17T23:24:00.018-06:00

It's been a busy week.
Who am I kidding? It's always a busy week.
I'm just making excuses for not having the energy to write. Pictures will have to replace my words today.

Last weekend we had a visit from an old friend. Mel was one of Will's therapists for a long time and it is always nice to reconnect.

This is an outtake from our attempt at taking a photo for our Christmas cards. Unfortunately, they are either fuzzy, or at least two people have their eyes closed in each photo. I love this photo of Jake and Owen, however. Wanted to share.

Thanksgiving dinner was 'delish'. Jake started us off with a beautiful grace. Uncle Greg and Grandma joined us and we even managed to snag Will and Owen to the table for a few minutes before taking off again.

And then there was snow. I may have already mentioned that once or twice. Can you say overkill?

The Wiggles concert was probably one of the highlights of the year, particularly for Will. The cost of these concerts hurt our pocketbooks so bad, but Jonathan surprised me with his comments, saying "this is like Christmas for the twins. It's worth every penny." By the smile on Will's face in the top picture, I have to agree.

This afternoon we went to the Corn Maze, just outside of the city. (What do you think of their sign? Cracked me up). I think we were all feeling a little homesick for our Pumpkin Farm back in Ontario and we hoped that this would give us an alternative for a new fall tradition. It was no Knox Farm, but the kids seemed to have a lot of fun. It just felt so normal. We've gone through years of dealing with Will's disruptive behaviour, but since the summer he continues to amaze us with his calm. He doesn't bolt, he listens to instructions and he enjoys the moment. Jake shows us over and over again that he is an awesome big brother. And Owen even interacted with some kids at the playground (and ate some dirt). It truly was a great afternoon.

Friday Fragments

2009-10-16T16:58:00.002-06:00

This is my lazy-woman's strategy. Because I don't have the time or the brain power to eloquently write a post you will all love so much that you'll want me to get published (don't worry.. that's still a goal), I decided to participate in Half-Past Kissin' Time's Friday Fragments.That, and the fact that Jonathan and I have a night out tonight! -taking advantage of having a visiting grandma in town to babysit. So I need time to beautify myself (trust me- takes a lot of work without much success). Here goes:

* ~~snow sucks~~ Calgary's snow removal plan sucks

* You think you've got it bad? My friend, Mo has cerebral palsy. She has endured countless surgeries all her life to correct the debilitating effects it has had on her body. A few days ago she had surgery on her foot. You never hear her complain, she just bears the pain she is in. A year ago I was shocked to learn that the main reason she had such a pronounced limp was because all of her toes had curled under her foot and each step she took placed all her weight on the top of her toes. Ya-excruciating, right? So a few days ago she had surgery to remove all the bones in her toes, to be replaced with rods. Ouch. Just think of Mo the next time you bitch about stubbing your toe.

* If you live in the Toronto, ON area, make sure you find time to schedule in a trip to one of my favourite places in the world: Knox Pumpkin Farm. Tomorrow is the Farm's Autism Awareness Day, so there is an even more important reason to take the family out. If you do go for a visit, look for Farmers Ian, Jenny, Diane or Devon and let them know you heard about them from me. Maybe you'll get a.. pat on the back?

* Owen, Will and Jake had an awesome time at the Wiggles concert the other night. I wasn't there (I was watching Mo's son, Eric while she was in surgery), but Jonathan and Grandma had a hoot watching them. Will even managed to storm the stage and managed to get on to a speaker before a security guard pulled him off.

* Today I listened to a newscast about the status of Canada's freshwater rivers. I now feel guilty about all the waste I make where water is concerned. From now on, I'll turn the water off while I brush my teeth, I'll fill the rinse-sink with water instead of letting it run when I do dishes and I promise to get a rain barrel for the spring. It's a start! What do you do to conserve water?

* I hate gel toothpaste. I hate those flip-top paste containers too. Goopy mess.

* I can't wait to see 'Where the Wild Things Are'!! Anyone else adding it to their list this weekend?

* Yesterday one of Will's therapy staff called to say that she was exposed to H1N1 and did I want her to still come to work? No. Have I over-reacted?

* I'm a miserable bitch right now. Don't know why. But here's a tidbit. I have just spent a full 16 minutes trying to think of something funny or witty to say and I couldn't get past my bitch to think of anything. I should probably just go to bed and forget about going out.

* Maybe this will work. Here's a Friday Feel-Good:

* Please leave me a comment that will make me laugh. I need a pick-me-up.

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

FancyPants is my Favourite

2009-10-16T00:12:00.000-06:00

FancyPants of On Living Overseas played along in yesterday's meme and she cracked me up in doing so. Her wise Wednesday Words of Advice were the following:

If you teach your children the proper names for their private parts- be prepared for embarrassment.

Click HERE to read the story that explains how she came to this understanding.

I have 'known' FancyPants for quite some time now. The online community is pretty incredible when you can tap into like-minded people that can entertain you at the same time. I was fortunate enough to land myself in an online book group 8 years ago, as a way to talk to other grown-ups who shared my interest in reading, as I was on my maternity leave with Jake. A group of 20-something women, all from different parts of North America, all from different walks of life, formed an instant friendship that is still going strong eight years later. FancyPants introduced me to what it was like to be in a military family. She is a navy wife, raising two young children and doing a damn good job of it too. I admire her strength and her sense of humour through all of her trials and tribulations while holding the fort when her husband is at sea. She recently moved to Japan and is adjusting to life in a foreign country and not only making the most of the situation, but immersing herself in the culture to soak up all that she can from the experience.

FancyPants is fairly new at this blogging thing, but I'm doing my best to encourage her to keep at it because I do so enjoy getting glimpses of her life. Help me out, will ya? Show her some love. Visit her and leave a comment, not only to help with her homesickness, but also to let her know that she's doing a great job.

My favourite post from her blog: What It Means to Be a Navy Wife

Wednesday's Words of Advice & Warriors Odds 'n Ends

2009-10-13T23:09:00.003-06:00

This was what we woke up to this morning. And since Calgary doesn't believe in plowing or sanding any streets other than the main ones, I slid through three intersections while driving the twins to school, white-knuckling it the whole way. We made it safe and sound. Until Jonathan was driving the kids to a concert tonight and someone nailed the back side of the car. Day One and already an accident. Not good. Should have got those snow tires put on last week.

2) What's the best way to make your house smell homey, especially during the holidays? Simmer a pot of apple cider all day. Here's our family recipe (roughly, since I rarely measure anything):

jug of fresh-pressed apple cider or concentrated apple juice

3/4 bottle white wine

1 cup fresh cranberries

8-10 cloves

6-8 cinnamon sticks
*if you have any clementine oranges, I like to throw in a couple,
if not, throw in a couple of orange wedges

* bring to a boil and let it go for 5 minutes or so to burn off the alcohol

* bring down to a simmer and add a bottle of ginger ale

* let simmer all day

3) Are you a fan of Billy Bob Thornton? I can't stand him, but there once was a time when I could tolerate seeing him in a film. Until I saw him in Love Actually, when he played a US president. But then I DESPISED him once I saw this interview of him on Canadian CBC Radio's the Q. I had heard clips from this before, but had never seen the video footage. My advice to you: watch the clip. Then tell me what you think.

4) I can't gush about this download-able software program enough. Our family had a little *incident* with one of the kids who was surfing YouTube for kid shows, and instead was witness to some gay porn. I am not making light of it, it was horrific for us as parents, to have to deal with the consequences of this. Our twins had worked for years to learn to use the mouse and keyboard on a computer, then to navigate pages independently. Watching video clips was the one thing that they both loved doing so much, but now we couldn't trust YouTube. We found an amazing alternative.

ZacBrowser was designed for kids with autism, but I would HIGHLY recommend it for any parents with young kids at home, who have an interest in the computer. Go to www.zacbrowser.com and download the program for FREE. It will create its own desktop icon so the kids can learn to click on it and not have to go on to the internet browser at all. The program has more than one link (games, music & video). No outside content can come in and no one can navigate out of the program on to inappropriate sites. The video option is like a mini YouTube, but its only clips are all taken from kid movies and tv shows. It's wonderful!

Have you got any advice to share? Or a Warrior you want to write about? Go blog about it. Then come bac and don't forget to enter your blog's URL in Mr. Linky below to share it with us. Happy Hump-Day!

Ian Brown: The Boy In the Moon

2009-10-13T12:23:00.000-06:00

This morning on the Q, I listened to an interview with Ian Brown, who has released a new book The Boy In the Moon: A Father's Search For His Disabled Son.

I haven't read it yet, but now it's on my TBR list (To Be Read). Some of the interview was quite shocking, or should I say, disturbing. He talks about his moments in parenting where he felt pure despair. Of helplessness at the sheer magnitude of how much work was involved in raising his son, Walker. He described moments where he contemplated suicide and considered flying his son with him out West, to end their lives. Then the thought of all the stuff he would be lugging with him through an airport, the contraptions and apparatus that assist with Walker’s disability, the sheer exhaustion in transporting them all to another place, that if he could survive that experience, then he could survive anything.

I can relate to that feeling. Not the suicide. I have truly never even considered that life could be so difficult or bleak to choose that route. But the feeling of that gigantic mountain of tasks, of logistical planning & scheduling, of never-ending obstacles and of navigating the minefield of administrative details that go hand in hand with parenting children with disabilities, those are feelings I can relate to. Not to mention the years of never having a full night’s sleep, a way of life that J and I hope to never go back to.

I remember when the twins were still small enough to be carried in the infant car seats. Jake was only 19 mos old when they were born, so he was but a little toddler who still wanted to be carried when we went out. I remember thinking about the morning ahead, when I would have to drive Jake to his morning pre-school. The thought of how I would pack up the three kids and physically manage the carrying of them all to the car, with all their stuff, all while trying not to leave anyone unattended (impossible task!) – I was exhausted before even having left the house! I constantly debated not even going out, just because the job seemed so great. This of course, was even before the manifestations of their autism had really impacted our daily lives.

Had I known then, what we would be up against and how much more difficult life would get, I probably would have considered running away. But bailing isn’t an option. You push up your sleeves, no matter how tired you are, no matter how sad or emotionally spent, and you get the job done. We know it has to be done, so we do it.

I am anxious to read this book. I respect Brown’s honesty and frankness in talking about the feelings that most of us parents don’t want to acknowledge because it would feel like a betrayal to our ‘disabled’ children.

I also found this link about the book:

The Globe and Mail

Wanna do a co-read?

When the Words Don’t Come, Laugh Instead

2009-10-12T23:55:00.002-06:00

If I let myself think about it, my heart breaks at the acknowledgment that Owen can’t talk, and may never be able to. There are times when he is sitting with us in the room and we don’t even realize he came in. I am wracked with guilt and sadness imagining all the thoughts he might be wishing he could share. All the desires he has that we may never know about. All the fears that he cannot express.

Then we have moments like this.

And I laugh with him. And for that moment, all is right.
** please ignore Grandma’s comments about the dog. Just focus on the giggles.

P.S. Don't forget on Wednesday I'm hosting another round of Willowjak's Wednesday Memes.
Click HERE for the refresher and come back on Wednesday to join in and to add your site to Mr. Linky.

Stacey’s Sunday Bandcamp #5

2009-10-12T01:03:00.004-06:00

Welcome to Calgary, Alberta

At the Tyrell Dinosaur Museum

At the Pengrowth Saddledome, home of the Calgary Flames

Bow Lake

2) Tomorrow we celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. It has always been one of my favourite holidays. A time to share great food around the table with good friends and family. Grandma flew in yesterday to spend the week with her grandsons and she may turn out to be the only guest at our table tomorrow. A year ago we had the in-laws, my grandmother and Greg and Devon. This year the in-laws and Devon moved back to Ontario, Gram is back in Toronto for a bit and Greg will likely be a no-show. Although we are thankful for having our visitor, it’s hard not to feel like we have taken a step back. That’s okay. More turkey and broccoli salad for me!

3) Will is talking up a storm lately. His articulation is definitely lacking, but I know what he is trying to say, for the most part. One of his challenges has always been that when he tries to talk, he nearly whispers so that no one realizes he is saying anything. So who would have thought that a window would have been the thing to bring his voice out? “I WANT WINNOW” is what I hear from the backseat for the entire 25 minutes of every drive to and from school. He is obsessed with the power windows going up and down, over and over again regardless of the sub-zero temps. Funny things, it’s music to my cold ears.

4) Is anyone else freaked out by the new Google Earth Street Views? I’m not sure what exactly it is that worries me about it, but I feel like we’ve crossed a line somewhere.

5) You can all make fun of me behind my back, but may I make a request? Can you all say a little prayer for Penelope and my sister, Steph? 11 years ago, Steph and I took home a pair of pug sisters from the same litter; Matilda and Penelope and they have been our babies ever since. We are currently waiting to hear news of some test results that will decide the future of Penelope’s health and we are obviously hoping for the best. Penels is so loved and adored by Stephanie and Amanor and I can’t imagine how Steph will cope if the news is bad. So say a little prayer for the Princess, will ya?

Princess Penelope

6) Today Jake participated in his first Irish feis of the new Feis. He did fantastic, scoring 1st, 4th and 5th in his medal rounds and bringing home a 4th and 10th place trophy in the dance specials.

We surrounded by bouncy ringlets. Parents of girls who Irish dance are devoted. Those wigs cost a fortune and are a bitch to deal with! Not to mention that the dresses cost thousands of dollars.

Jake cracked me up today. As he was exiting the stage and walking by his judge, he says to his coach, “I screwed up the ending, but I just made it up. The judge didn’t even notice.” Well she made not have seen it, but she definitely heard about it.

7)

My three boys give me hugs and kisses

I don’t take that for granted

For years they pushed me away

and I cried.

Toes are warm, my blankets are many

By my friends I am cared for

Ten great years I’ve been married

I am blessed.

When I look around I see mountains

When I breathe deep, I smell clean

I see God in Earth’s beauty

I know rapture.

It’s not the turkey or the trimmings

And the words don’t come easy

But we live in gratitude

We give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Whining about *s and Thimbles

2009-10-11T00:51:00.000-06:00

Three m*nths with*ut the letter *. It is driving me nuts. *n *ur trip t* Vanc*uver Island, my * was sticking s* I th*ught I w*uld pry it *ff my keyb*ard t* clean underneath it. Y*u kn*w when y*u get the gunky dust and stuff that accumulates in y*ur keys? So when I pried it *ff, I accidentally p*pped the wh*le key *ff and the spring-l*aded thing under it t**. N*w I have a little piece *metal and a sp*ngy rubber piece that I have t* push really really hard s* my right, ring finger (because I t**k typing in high sch**l and type the 'pr*per' way), hurts like hell whenever I have t* type the letter *.

T*night I spent *ver tw* h*urs hand-sewing a piece *f velcr*e *n t* Jake's vest because t*m*rr*w he has an Irish Feis (a dance c*mpetiti*n). His vest was missing s*mething t* h*ld it cl*sed. Can't have that! -Y*u have n* idea h*w seri*usly these c*mpetiti*ns take the dancers' appearance. Thank g**dness I have a b*y, y*u sh*uld see what the girls have t* g* thr*ugh.. wigs with ringlets, multi-th*usand d*llar dresses, etc. At least I *nly have dress pants, shirt, tie and vest t* w*rry ab*ut. S* anyways, I had t* sew this velcr*e piece by hand. I d*n't sew. In the first stitch, I stuck my thumb with the thread/eye-h*le end *f the needle. The blunt end! It frickin' hurt. I f*und a thimble and decided t* use that t* finish the j*b. I think the thimble cut *ff the circulati*n in my the tip *f my finger f*r that tw* h*urs because n*w it hurts like hell t**.

S* n*w I have a s*re right hand- ring and middle finger.

I came *nline t* type s*mething pr*f*und and interesting. But because I was bitching I have f*rg*tten what I wanted t* say. A waste *f a p*st just t* explain why there are little ******'s everywhere instead *f '*'s.

'*'s beause I'm a whiner.

Happy Hour Friday

2009-10-08T23:17:00.000-06:00

I have a new friend. He doesn't know it yet. But his name is Otin and after only one day of 'knowing' him, I can already tell that we're going to be besties. It's kind of refreshing to have found a blog that so entertains me, that isn't just about parenting, or autism, but just about life and creativity and stuff. Just stuff. He's a really fun writer and it's not contrived, or at least it doesn't seem to be, in an effort to get readers.

Otin hosts this Friday game where we're asked to just take a moment to talk about what makes us happy. I think it times in nicely with our Canadian Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be grateful for so here goes:

I'm happy I found Otin's blog: The Wizard of Otin. This makes me happy.

***

My absolutely most rewarding moment of the week was when Owen, his therapists and I went to get his haircut. Not only did he wear the cape. He stayed in the chair for 20 minutes. He let them spray water on his hair. They CUT his hair. They BUZZED HIS HAIR WITH CLIPPERS. Then he laughed and didn't want to leave! This is the kid who used to shake at the entry of the salon and wouldn't take a single step inside. If dragged in, he'd sit in a turtle position and cry and lash out, with his hands over his head. Three years of trial run visits with no hair cuts. Three years of 'desentization programs' at home to get him used to a brush, to a pair of scissors, before they had even touched his head. It all came to this. Six years and we've finally had a successful haircut!!! *I suppose I should have taken a picture to make this announcement more dramatic, but I forgot (story of my life)*

***

My super-hero husband caught the mouse that was partying under our bed the other night. I had a night of terror listening to that little rat scurrying, gnawing, scratching and twittering right under my head. I was so happy to hear the SNAP of the trap when we got the little bugger.

***

It's blizzarding outside and it's -15 with the wind chill right now. Am I happy about it? No. But this cold means the wood fires are burning again. And I love the smell as it wafts through my family room and I love its cackling sound. It feels homey.

***

I don't know about you, but I am very impressed with this year's new shows on tv. Modern Family and Flash Forward have made me VERY happy. Nothing this fall has made me laugh harder than this scene from Modern Family:

***

I love when matchmaking works. This week I was lucky enough to pair up my friends at the Knox Pumpkin Farm in Ontario, with an old friend who is a producer at TVO Kids.

TVO Kids spent a full day today at the Farm, filming a tv show and segments for their station. I am so unbelievably homesick for the Farm, particularly in October. But I am really happy to know that I have put my matchmaking skills to work successfully, so that more people will fall in love with my favourite place of the fall.

***

I LOVE my slippers. Have you ever heard of Padraig slippers? I had bought a few pairs for some babies, but finally saw them in ladies' sizes last winter. My gram got them for me for Christmas and I wear them all the time. Too often, probably.

They're so soft and cozy, they wash really nice and they let your feet breathe. If you buy them for kids, they stretch with the growth of their feet. They are lovely!

***

I am grateful for flat rate long distance plans.

***

I am grateful that in a few short days I'll be eating turkey and pumpkin pie.

***

I am grateful that pvr's were invented.

***

I am grateful that my husband will be home in a little bit from soccer practice, because I hear another frickin' mouse scuttering around in the kitchen.

Crockpots & Anti-Sexy-Time with David Letterman

2009-10-07T23:52:00.002-06:00

I'm playing along with MamaKat in her weekly Writer's Workshop. She provides the prompts and we provide the writing.

1.) What's cooking in YOUR crockpot?

I have two favourite go-to's for crockpot meals. You can find both on my new recipe blog at Willowjak Kitchen Party, where I'll be re-posting some of my favourite recipe bloggers, as well as my own. Both are chicken dishes. One is so simple, I feel like I'm cheating to call it a recipe.

Salsa Chicken

large jar of medium spiced salsa (or you can make your own with tomatoes, peppers, onion, cilantro)

4 chicken breasts

1 cup light sour cream

...umm, yeah. That's it.

I slow cook them together for 4-6 hours. 15 minutes before serving, I add the sour cream to cream up the sauce and it takes the bite out of the spice.

Serve over bed of rice.

Canadian Version of Indian Butter Chicken

2 tbsp butter
1 cup chopped onions
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tbsp grated gingerroot
1 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1 can diced, undrained tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp brown sugar
salt and pepper
1 whole rotisserie chicken, skin removed and meat cut up
1/3 cup light cream
1/4 cup light sour cream or plain yogurt
1 tbsp minced fresh cilantro

I mix all ingredients EXCEPT for cream, sour cream and cilantro.
Simmer in slow cooker for 4-6 hours.
15 minutes before serving, add remaining ingredients.
Serve over rice.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

2.) Find one of your very favourite pictures of Summer and write a poem about it.

When Jake was born, he was our world.
He still is. But he's risen UP.
Sometimes out of our reach.
His childlike innocence slipped out of our grasp
too soon.
He's a big brother now.
Brother to two very needy little persons.
Who look UP to him.
There may come a day when they will look to him
as a guardian.
Responsibility so great.
A grown-up too soon.
A brother so beautiful. And kind. Loving and lovable.

I wish there were more summer days like this.
When he could fly high above the world.
Leaving his future responsibilities below.
When I look UP, I see him laugh without abandon.
The laughter of a little boy.
Who has not yet had to look UP. Or forward.

4.) When I look in the mirror...

I see a blur because I don't have time to study my own self.
I see tired.
I see aging.
I see scared.
I see worry.
I see blue eyes that were never young.
But then a child appears beside me
and now I see a fierceness
I see passion.
I see a Mama Bear.
I see faith.
I see hope.
I see beauty.
I see my blue eyes in the child beside me.
I see my legacy.

5.) The top ten things I'd rather be doing than having sexy-time with David Letterman

1. Cleaning the base of my toilet with a toothbrush (I have 4 boys in the house)

2. Cleaning my pug's ears out or 'expressing' her anal glands

3. Scraping the dead skin from my my grandmother's feet

4. Teaching my boys how to blow their nose

5. Talking to my creditors

6. Listening to Owen and Will grind their teeth

7. Counting fruit flies in my kitchen

8. Eating cow tongue with brussel sprouts

9. Having my teeth scraped at the dentist

10. Talk some more about Michael Jackson's life and death

This meme was brought to you by MamaKat's Writer's Workshop.

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Pointy Toes

2009-10-07T13:16:00.002-06:00

It's here! It's your chance to choose one of these blog topics to write about, include the applicable button below in your post, then come back here to include your link in Mr. Linky so we can all click on over to check it out. Don't forget to take a moment to click on a couple other links to see some posts by other bloggers. Tomorrow night I'll be choosing my favourite post and stopping by your blog so that I can write a post profiling YOU! For a refresher on what to write about, see HERE.

Grab My Button

Grab My Button

My Words Of Advice:

Let me tell you a little story about how I started my day today. I had dropped the boys off for school and had a bit of time to kill before a doctor's appointment. I thought I would drop in to a nearby Denny's for a coffee while I waited.

Let me give you a bit of back-drop of my city. Calgary is an old Cowboy town. Not so much now, with its recent inflation of the population, the cowboys are not usually found within city limits unless it's Stampede time. But the downtown business core certainly doesn't look nearly as sophiscated as other high-power cities. It's not exactly full of Hugo Boss, Prada or other brand-name wearers. I'd say business casual to New York or Toronto, would be considered business-formal to Calgarians.

So back to Denny's. I was walking into the restaurant and passed a pair of men who seemed to be leaving a business meeting, given their attire. Both were wearing grey suits.

Not bad. But the big mouthed buddy was wearing them with grey and tan coloured, snakeskin cowboy boots with the POINTIEST toes I have ever seen!

Now I wouldn't say I'm a malicious person or purposefully mean. But I can't deny that I have mean thoughts sometimes. So naturally, I had a few when I saw the mix of these two clothing choices.

So when Buddy says to his friend "Are you kidding me? The ladies love me!!!"(and I'm not really an eavesdropper on purpose, but if you're talking loudly as you walk beside a person, what do you expect?).

I had a mean thought in my head in response to this. I thought (and I warn you, I say not nice, not classy things sometimes in my head), I thought, "Not with those p*ssy boots they don't!". - please don't be offended, I'm ashamed enough of my thoughts as it is.

Now here's my advice. Don't think mean thoughts.

Because you could do the same thing I did and mistakenly SAY THEM OUT LOUD!

I have never felt so horrified in my life. I have never done that before and still don't know how it happened. I probably wouldn't have even realized I'd said it if Buddy's friend didn't spit coffee out of his nose and Buddy didn't call me an F*n B*tch.

I hope my wisdom helps prevent similar future mishaps for you all, or you might just end up being the victim of a pointy toe kicked up the backside.

And as a side-note. If David Beckham was wearing that same combination;

that body

the grey suit

I would keep my mouth shut. But I can't promise that I won't be thinking not-so-nice thoughts.

(Where is my judgement gone? My dad is so going to be proud of his daughter after this post).

Have you got any advice to share? Or a Warrior you want to write about? Go blog about it. Then come back and don't forget to enter your blog's URL in Mr. Linky below to share it with us. Happy Hump-Day!

Post-It Note Tuesday

2009-10-07T00:01:00.000-06:00

I do truly love the staff at the boys' new school. But seriously, this is the third time Owen has come home in a different pair of pants than I sent him in because he's had 'an accident'. He isn't toilet trained, so what kind of an accident could he have, other than no one changing his pull-up? I just don't think it's fair that a kid who can't speak to tell anyone, is left to feel uncomfortable.

It really does. They say that this smell is actually considered to be good news, since it proves that the asparagus eater's kidneys are functioning as they should. If you've never noticed, you might want to look into those kidneys!

I can't help it. Archibald's Hard Cider is all I think about.

I can't even talk about it. So gross.

I would say that they named that well.

Moms that are trying to connect with their techno-kids, but you don't yet know text jargon... please don't use WTF. It's not cool (or appropriate) coming from us.

Ya. People are idiots.

This was a meme brought to us by SupahMommy. Go check in what the others stuck up for Tuesday.

Don't Forget! Tomorrow's Wednesday Meme

2009-10-06T19:25:00.000-06:00

Get'cher thinkers workin. Tomorrow I'm hosting another round of Willowjak's Wednesday Memes.
Click HERE for the refresher and come back tomorrow to join in and to add your site to Mr. Linky.

Raising Kids With Special Needs - Bill of Rights

2009-10-05T19:52:00.000-06:00

I stumbled upon this beautiful piece today, from a blog entitled To The Max: Take That, Cerebal Palsy!. Max's Mom, Ellen, wrote this wonderful document and has given me permission to share it with all of you. Besides her blog, you may also find her writing for 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

We, the parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure tranquility (and sanity) and promote the general welfare of our families, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights.

* We have the right to expect our kids to be seen for who they are as individuals, not as labels or diagnoses.

* We have a right to trust our instincts about our kids and realize that experts don't always know best.

* We have a right to ignore the remarks, questions and stares and not give explanations or excuses for why our children are the way they are.

* We have a right to choose alternative therapies for our kids.

* We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever.

* We have a right to wonder “What if…” every so often.

* We have a right to play aimlessly with our children. Not for therapeutic or educational purposes—just for fun.

* We have a right to blast Bruce Springsteen/Tom Petty/Any Rocker, down a glass of Pinot Grigio, get a pedicure, go out with the girls or do all of the aforementioned at once if that's what it takes to avoid burnout.

* We have a right to react to people’s ignorance in whatever way we feel necessary.

* We have a right to not always have our child be the poster child for his/her disability and some days be just a child.

* We have a right to go through the grieving process and realize we may never quite be "over it."

* We have the right to give our kids chores. Even better if they can learn to make breakfast in bed for us.

* We have a right to stretch the truth when we fail to do the exercises the therapist asked us to do this week because we were too darn tired or overwhelmed.

* We have a right to have yet more Pinot Grigio.

* We have a right to fire any doctor or therapist who's negative, unsupportive or who generally says suck-y things.

* We have a right to tell family and friends that everything may not be OK—at least not how they mean it, anyway.

* We have a right to hope for an empty playground so we don’t have to look into another child’s eyes and answer the question, “What’s wrong with him?”

* We have a right to bawl on the way back from the playground, the birthday party, the mall or anyplace where our children’s challenges become glaringly obvious in the face of all the other kids doing their typical-development things.

* We have the right to give our children consequences for their behavior. They may be “special” but they can still be a royal pain in the ass.

* We have a right to take a break from Googling therapies, procedures, medicine and treatments for our kids to research upcoming concerts, exotic teas or anything not related to our children’s disabilities.

* We have a right to talk about how great our kids are when people don’t get it.

* We have the right to not always behave as inspirational icons who never complain or gripe about the sometimes awful realities of raising a child with special needs.

* We have a right to expect quality services for our children not just when they’re infants, preschoolers and elementary school age, but when they’re in older grades and adults, too.

* We have a right to adequate funding for those services and to not have to kick, scream or endure a wait for them.

* We have a right to get tired of people saying, as they give that sympathy stare, "I don't know how you do it."

* We have a right to wish that sometimes things could be easier.

* We have a right to cheer like crazy anytime our children amaze us—or weep like lunatics.

* We have a right to push, push and push some more to make sure our children are treated fairly by the world.

Compiled in honor of my little boy, Max, and all of our beautiful children on June 17, 2009.

Stacey's Sunday Bandcamp #4

2009-10-03T23:28:00.015-06:00

So I'm going to cheat a little and post some pics of places nearby Calgary, Alberta (where I live). I think it should count because all of these places are within an hour and a half car ride.

View from the Bow Summit, overlooking Peyto Lake in the Canadian Rockies, off of the Icefields Parkway.

"The Big Rock", found in the ranchland of Okotoks, Alberta's foothills, is the world's largest known glacial erratic--rock transported far from its place of origin by glacial ice. About 18,000 years ago, a rockslide crashed material to the surface of a glacier in the present day Athabasca River valley, and Big Rock was carried out of the Canadian Rocky Mountains on the glacier's back.

Horseshoe Canyon is a region of Badlands surrounded by prairie, near Drumheller, Alberta. Note: Drumheller and the surrounding Badlands is known as dinosaur country.

2) I won an award! Charlene from Chronicle's of Char kindly deemed me blog-worthy and let me in on some fun for my otherwise, boring Sunday.

This award comes with some rules and then some fun!

Rules:
1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favourite bloggers!
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part:
1. Where is your cell phone? lost

2. Your hair? drain
3. Your mother? Wendy
4. Your father? Brian
5. Your favorite food? strawberries
6. Your dream last night? fuzzy
7. Your favorite drink? cider
8. Your dream/goal? verbal
9. What room are you in? family
10. Your hobby? writing
11. Your fear? countless
12. Favorite place to eat? Pepperberries
13. Where were you last night? Moxie's
14. Something that you aren’t? uninspired
15. Muffins? mmm
16. Wish list item? books
17. Where did you grow up? Ontario
18. Last thing you did? sneezed
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? BeingErica
21. Your pets? Matilda
22. Friends? far
23. Your life? unexpected
24. Your mood? melancholic
25. Missing someone? Devon
26. Vehicle? Rondo
27. Something you’re not wearing? slippers
28. Your favorite store? Chapters
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? today
32. Your best friend? Lisa
33. One place that I go to over and over? my head
34. One person who emails me regularly? Dana

I'm sharing the love with:
1. Unknown Mami
2. Jiggety Jigg
3. Life with Kaishon
4. Yaya Stuff
5. When Two Becomes Three
6. On Moving Overseas..

3) My 8 year old has a Halloween school dance coming up at the end of the month. Did you know "that it's the thing to do in third grade, to ask a girl to go to the dance with you"? I didn't. Still reeling from the shock.

4) I av a bad goled. My noz iz stuffd. Anyone have any home remedies? Hot Toddy's?

5) My biggest pet peeve: How come YouTube doesn't have a better team who filters out kids vids that have been dubbed over with violent, sexual or offensive language and images? It is so messed up that my 6 year old autistic twins, who are proudly learning to independently use the computer and search for innocent video clips of the Backyardigans, Dora or Sesame St. That instead of learning kids nursery rhymes and tunes, they are hearing murder and porn scenes. It's not right.

6) It snowed here today. Not too happy about it. The house is freezing and our leaves are nearly all fallen from the trees. Autumn is my favourite time of year, but it only seems to last a week or two in Calgary. We're already straight into winter.

7) I decided I need to start my own Christmas Wish List. Not that I even have the money to buy anyone else anything. But that's why it's called a Wish. Right? A girl can dream.

a large cast iron skillet

a Danier leather jacket

8) Gramps goes home tomorrow. We will be back to being a family of five (plus a pug) in our house. That doesn't include the therapists we have here every evening after school for the boys. Or the uncle that joins us for dinner a few times a week. But it will be nice to have the place to ourselves again for a bit. No one to take over the remote control (while snoring away without releasing it from their grasp). No one to complain that we are making too much noise or that the food isn't salty enough. If we wear pyjamas all day, no one can raise their eyebrows. Can you tell I'm looking forward to it?

Hope everyone enjoyed their Sunday.

Kristina's My Favourite

2009-10-02T23:22:00.005-06:00

This week I hosted my first meme. I really enjoyed participating and whether anyone plays along or not, I am happy that I have found a way to entertain myself. :)

Kristina played along and she cracked me up in doing so. Her wise Wednesday Words of Advice were the following:

"You should not post how bored you are on Facebook when half of the people you work with are on your friends list!!"

Kristina is one of my favourite go-to bloggers. She keeps it sweet and simple and incorporates two of my favourite things: books and food. You want a good book review or referral? Or an idea for what to feed everyone at dinner? Kristina plays part in something called: She passed on one of my now-favourite recipes:

Quick Southern-Style Baked Beans
recipe by Pam Anderson
Serves up to 18
8 slices bacon, halved
1 medium onion, cut into small dice
1/2 medium green pepper, cut into small dice
3 large cans (28 ounces each) pork and beans
3/4 cup barbecue sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup distilled or cider vinegar
2 teaspoons dry mustard or 2 tablespoons Dijon

Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and heat oven to 325 degrees. Fry bacon in large, deep sauté pan skillet until bacon has partially cooked and released about 1/4 cup drippings. Remove bacon from pan and drain on paper towels. Add onions and peppers to drippings in pan and sauté until tender, about 5 minutes. Add beans and remaining ingredients bring to a simmer. (If skillet is not large enough, add beans and heat to a simmer then transfer to a large bowl and stir in remaining ingredients). Pour flavored beans into a greased 13-by 9-inch (or similar size) ovenproof pan. Top with bacon, then bake until beans are bubbly and sauce is the consistency of pancake syrup, about 2 hours. Let stand to thicken slightly and serve.

She's got some great links to some cool book reading challenges and I can always count on her to cheer me up with some fun stuff. She's got the most amazing birth story to share about her delivery of her miracle baby, Ethan as well. So on and take a look at Kristina's Favorites and see why she's one of mine.

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Devon

2009-09-30T11:20:00.011-06:00

It's here! Today is the day of my launch of Willowjak's Wednesday Words of Advice OR Wednesday Warriors. It's your chance to choose one of these blog topics to write about, include the applicable button below in your post, then come back here to include your link in Mr. Linky so we can all click on over to check it out. Don't forget to take a moment to click on a couple other links to see some posts by other bloggers. Tomorrow night I'll be choosing my favourite post and stopping by your blog so that I can write a post profiling YOU! For a refresher on what to write about, see HERE.

Grab My Button

Grab My Button

I'd like to tell you about my Wednesday Warrior. Meet Devon.

Devon is also known as D-D-D-D-Devonius, sung to the tune of Duran Duran's "Notorious".

Notorious - Duran Duran

Or otherwise known as the girl in the Wendy's Hamburgers ad:

Devon entered my family's life a year and a bit ago. We have a lot of people in our lives who have met us because of autism. For that, autism has truly been a blessing. Devon is one of the very few who came out of circumstance. We're not an easy family to love. And we're definitely not an easy household to adjust to. If you stop by, you are likely to hear Muppets singing at full volume from the computer, as the tv blares the Backyardigans, as a few behavioural aides/therapists chase a kid through the hallway, while the boiling pots overflow on the stove, while the dog barks at the squirrel in the backyard, while an eight-year old slams a door because he doesn't want to clean his room, while the mom mutters "X*@**" under her breath at the husband who just kicked the mess on the floor into the corner instead of picking it up, while the great grandmother or great grandmother snores from the chair in the middle of the living room and while one naked 6 year old streaks through the house yelling "I'm gonna keeill you boy" (some great line he picked up from a movie clip that we can't track down and is repeated in the most embarrassing and inconvenient of moments in front of the worst possible audiences).

So when Devon was introduced to us, having had no prior exposure to kids with autism or this crazy, chaotic type of family life, I thought any future visits would be limited to those out of necessity. But no. Somehow she fell in love with my boys and all their eccentricities. She immediately bonded with Jake, Owen and Will. When she walked through the door, they ran to her with huge grins and big hugs. She volunteered to watch all three, when only a handful of people would only do this and get paid for it. She took a class in ABA to get a better understanding of the twins' therapy. She took a job at Jake's school as a receptionist and became his #1 cheerleader, helping him through a difficult transition into a new school and becoming a true friend that he could trust. Devon started as being the girl I had to be nice to, to the girl I liked, to a true friend that I would be happy to call a sister. Devon became a book buddy, my go-to girl to vent to about family issues, my Ranchman's companion and my after-dinner Games Night partner.

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone means more now to me than ever. I didn't realize how much of a hole she would leave until I started looking into the future and seeing how many things she would have been a part of, but won't be.

But let me tell you why she's a warrior.

Being a grown-up isn't always easy. It requires making grown-up decisions. When you don't have kids, it requires making decisions that keep you on track to moving forward in life, while maintaining your self-respect, your pride and not losing sight of your dreams. Many times, it means moving on and leaving people behind. It might mean letting go of the "easy and safe" to choose the more difficult path that leads to greater reward. Putting yourself first and remembering that you deserve the best, not the mediocre.

Devon is leaving us tonight. She is moving back to Ontario to regroup and embark on a new chapter in her life. One that will hopefully bring her much happiness and peace with her decision. As her friend, I am proud of her. As her "sister", I am heart-broken. But my family will never forget the role she played in our life and our door will always be open for her to come back and visit.

Until next time, De-vo. xo

Willowjak's Memes

2009-09-28T12:08:00.001-06:00

I had an idea this morning. It wasn't really original, I'll admit, but at least I can take pride in the fact that my brain cells were working even before the caffeine was administered. Before I share it with you, let me let you in on a word that took me a while to figure out. Much like any other community, the blogging world has its own language full of acronyms and specific vocabulary that are used, sometimes forgetting that non-bloggers may not have a freakin' clue of what we're talking about.

What is a MEME?

I stole this from chrisg.com because he can explain it far better than I ever could:

"In science, a Meme (pronounced to rhyme with “theme”) is a self-propagating unit of thought that is spread from one host to another. Richard Dawkins invented the term as a kind of idea-gene. Like genes, as Memes spread they mutate or die. Only the fittest Memes survive.

For bloggers Memes have become synonymous with internet quizzes, surveys, and novelties that people link to and pass around on their blogs, forums and via email, things like the “which superhero are you most like” test…

Fun or just interesting, it is only those that capture your imagination that you will take part in and propagate, apart from those you do out of a sense of duty to your friend who started it. The latter don’t tend to get very far."

I have participated in quite a few them myself on this blog and found that I mostly use them to get ideas of what I'd like to blog about. Meme's such as Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop are particularly inspiring because she always comes up with great ideas to get the writer imagination flowing.

So my idea this morning revolved around how could I keep myself motivated, to be more disciplined, to keep up with blogging on a daily basis? The answer lay in a schedule. How did I not think of this before? I have two boys with autism, a family with three kids, a dog, a busy husband and an extra grandparent or two living in my spare... I have a lot to juggle and we LIVE by the calendar.. of COURSE I need a schedule for blogging! Duh.

So I have decided to come up with my own memes. (Yes, I said memes with an "S").

Willowjak's Wednesday Words of Advice.
I wouldn't be the mom I am if I haven't picked up a lot of tips, tricks, recipes, advice, recommendations, critiques, etc. along the way. Parenting two children with special needs and one more who needs a lot of extras, requires the support of a lot of people. What better way to gather more ideas, than to host this blog party here on my own blog?

Every Monday I will post a reminder to my readers to start gathering their bag of tricks to pass along to help the rest of us out. You've got a no-fail killer recipe for mac 'n cheese you want to share? Have you read an article that might help us all to understand how to make the big decisions about whether or not to vaccinate your child? Have you read a fantastic book, watched a great movie or want to tell us to avoid a crappy new tv show and you want everyone to know about it? (it doesn't have to be related to parenting) Have you bought a hot new toy that will keep my kids entertained for hours that you want to recommend? Have you lived through an experience that taught you a life lesson that could help someone else if you shared it?

Grab My Button

OR

Willowjak's Wednesday Warriors
We all have our own hardships that we have had to dig deep to find the strength to overcome. I personally draw strength from Mama Warriors. Women who went above and beyond to do their best for their kids. They may not have made the headlines, but we see the evidence in their kids' achieving things others never thought they could. Do you know a warrior? Someone who went above and beyond? Someone who lives their life exceptionally generously on a daily basis? A blogger who has inspired you to be a better person? A fallen soldier you know of or heard about on the news? A child who has beat the odds of circumstance? A survivor?

Inspire us. We all need stories of Warriors to give us strength.

Grab My Button

Blog about it. Even if it seems silly. Even if it's as simple as "don't leave out an enticing, shiny container of diaper cream in case the two year old finds it and decides to redecorate the living room" (this might be my first entry). Even if your Warrior is a woman you read about in the morning newspaper, who saved a neighbourhood cat from a tree.

What do you do to participate?

Blog about it. Please grab the code and post the respective button in your post.

Then come back on Wednesday and link it up in Mr. Linky.

I ask that you check out the two entries above yours and leave them a message.

What role will I play in all this? On Thursday, after reading everyone's entries, I get to choose my favourite (-jealous?). If your post is chosen, I will do a profile about YOUR blog on Thursday. I will also tweet about it and add you to my blog's list of Favourites.

I'm really looking forward to building my own collection of advice and getting inspired by the warriors you choose to write about. More than anything, I'm excited to meet some new bloggers. Mark your calendars for Wednesday!!!

- Blog Buttons courtesy of

Reunited with MY Keith Urban

2009-09-22T11:36:00.007-06:00

So I've been gone for a bit again. I don't know what's wrong with me, aside from being busy, but I think I hide sometimes from blogging because it forces me to admit to stuff I don't feel like dealing with. But that's fodder for another post. I have no trouble bragging to you about a date I had last Saturday with a cute guy named Keith.

Keith and I go way back. Our eyes locked years ago as he walked across the stage at an award show to joke with Canadian country singer, Paul Brandt. I saw the twinkle in his eye and knew that the wink he sent was for me. I struggled with him through the years as he worked his way from the background, supporting better-known artists with his fantastic guitar playing, but I knew he was meant for bigger and better things (me). He was ever-elusive, but I knew that he was trying to tell me that he wanted to be near me. Like the time I was staying at a hotel in Hamilton, Ontario and I was visiting its spa. My masseuse told me that she had just worked on Keith the day before in this very room!! (Let's forget that my husband was with me. He doesn't count though, because he was too busy getting a pedicure to pay any notice to our conversation). I understood when he married Nicole. She could offer him something I never could. Marriage for one (I AM already taken, don't forget). But also, the publicity he so desperately needed to become the superstar he deserved to be. So I watched from afar as he shot to fame, as he graced the tabloid covers because of his internal battles (we know he was pining for me) and I was proud that he named his daughter in a tribute to me.. his love in Canada. Because hey, I love Sundays and roses and I am sure he knew that, hence the name, Sunday Rose.

And last Saturday he found his way back to me. I think I may have thrown him off a bit because I forgot to tell him I moved from Ontario to Calgary three years ago, but he found me nonetheless.

I took a few girlfriends with me (Lisa, Monique and Devon) and we had an awesome time. Lady Antebellum opened the show and they were fantastic. When Keith took to the stage, my heart stopped. As beautiful as ever. As kind, as joyous and as talented as I remembered. Mid-way through the show, I saw him clambering through the crowds towards ME!! He continued to sing and I could tell that he was trying to serenade me, but was getting blocked by crazy stalker fans, who were trying to prevent our reunion. Who the hell do they think they are? Did they really think a superstar like Keith would really want to be with, let alone, be near them? Some crazy fan strangers? He reached a platform and alas, we had to accept that it was as close as we could get. But his song touched me and we both knew that it would have to be enough this time. Especially since my girlfriends would probably rat me out to Jonathan if we took things too far.

I will never forget this show. It was magical. But I have come to realize that I prefer my humble life as a housewife and mom to these three crazy kids of mine, than to have to put up with all the jealous women out there who would continue to cause problems for Keith and I. I also realized that he is a lot more wee than I remembered and Jonathan could really kick his fellow Kiwi ass in a duel (.....over me. Now there's a fantasy.)

If you get a chance to see him in concert, I'll share him. I promise it's money well spent.
P.S. The woman in the photo is not really me. See the lengths crazies will go to, to get his attention? She masqueraded as ME!

Writer's Workshop: Back to School & Speechless

2009-09-03T00:17:00.006-06:00

1st Day of School.

I can't believe the day has come. For four years I have dreaded this day. For four years I have shoved it to the back of my mind and pretended it would never come. For four years I carried the faint hope that by this time, Owen and Will might be among the few who are "no longer distinguishable among their neuro-typical peers" and that they would enter the first grade with smiles of excitement. That tonight, the night before their first day, they might be helping me to pack their backpacks, or arguing over what outfit they want to wear, all while chattering about their hopes of finding one true friend that they will play with for the whole school year and maybe even for all their school years to come.

But that is not to be. Another milestone and another dream has faded away. Or at least, it has been postponed.

I am still excited for my boys. I am hopeful that this year will be one filled with new possibilities, with the acquisition of new skills and the forging of new friendships. I hope that they learn to get excited about going every morning, that they find that friend whose face they will look forward to seeing every day.

I pray that my fears are just the product of a typical mom who is over-thinking and paranoid. I worry that at this new school there will be no familiar face that Owen and Will can turn to when they feel anxious or afraid. That they won't understand where they are, or that I will be coming back for them at the end of the day. I worry that Will's language will not be understood by anyone, that when he says "are you okay?" someone will understand that he is trying to tell them that he has hurt himself and needs a mommy kiss to make it all better. I fear that Owen's quiet, sometimes-complacent personality doesn't leave him ignored and left to sit on his own in a corner, or that Will's anxiety-driven OCD doesn't cause his staff to think he's acting defiant. I pray that my boys are treated with compassion, understanding, a willingness to figure them out and a determination to raise them up to meet their optimum potential.

If they could only speak, I would not worry so. They could tell me how things went during their day. They could speak up if they felt they weren't being treated fairly. They could talk through their own fears with me on this night.

If only's won't do any of us any good. But I am grateful to have this place to write it out. So that tomorrow morning when I drop off my boys, I can leave them with a smile, after having left my fears on this keyboard. God knows I have sensitive little boys who pick up on every emotion that floats around them. They don't need my fears to add to their own.

So best of luck to all of the other little kiddos out there who are starting, or returning back to school. But most of all, my prayers are with all moms and dads who will be worrying too.

As a footnote, I discovered that today MamaKat is hosting a Writer's Workshop with the prompt "First Day Of". Today should qualify. Today is the first day of a new chapter. Check on Mama's Losin' Itto see what some other bloggers are up to.

Owen's Toothless Smiles

2009-08-31T22:16:00.006-06:00

They are growing up too fast! This post will be short and sweet. I feel like I should have taken more pictures of Owen in the days leading up to today, because now I'll never have that baby-face again.

BEFORE he grew up

taken only moments after the(my) loss

Owen lost his front tooth today. No crying. No dramatics. Just big smiles. On his part. I'm crying on the inside.

Hakuna Matata & Crosby, Staal and Nash

2009-08-27T11:07:00.005-06:00

It's a big day today. I feel slightly guilty because it has nothing to do with Owen and Will, but I am putting my guilt aside to enjoy what lies ahead.

This afternoon I am taking Jake (along with his Granny and Grandad) to see the Lion King production.

Yay!! Can't wait to see his reaction to this one. It's a school trip. Gotta love the arts school.

Then this evening, Jonathan, Jake and I have great seats behind the net to see the Team Canada Red & White game at the Saddledome. I am sure that Stevie Yzerman will be waiting for me.

As well as Jerome. Should be a great game. I'll let you know if Jon-Boy tries to sneak his 90's era Team Canada photo in with him on the off-chance he can get some more autographs added to it.

Jonathan also has another big event lined up while we are at the Lion King. His school is doing a staff event at the Canada Olympic Park and he'll be zip-lining down from the top of the ski jump. I hope someone takes some pics.

Don't worry. The twins will have their fun too. Our lovely Lauren will be coming over to chase them around.

Who wouldn't want to hang out with Lauren?

What a day!!!

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a Forwarded Message from Thoughtful House

2009-08-27T00:00:00.002-06:00

I received this email in my inbox and thought I would forward it on to anyone who is interested. I will be setting my pvr for sure...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thoughtful House on NBC News

Thoughtful House
Story Scheduled to be Broadcast this Weekend
August 25, 2009

Dear Friends,

As some of you may have already heard, the NBC television network is producing a special on Thoughtful House and Dr. Andrew Wakefield. We are sending along this note to make you aware of the extent of coverage on various programs and the scheduled broadcast date. First, though, we thought it was important to help everyone understand our decision to cooperate with the reporter, Matt Lauer, and his producer, Ami Schmitz.

In our estimation, there has not yet been any fair coverage in the mainstream media of Dr. Wakefield or the work of Thoughtful House. While we have a large community of supporters that know Dr. Wakefield's credibility and the accomplishments of Thoughtful House and our excellent physicians and clinicians, including Dr. Bryan Jepson, Dr. Arthur Krigsman, and Kelly Barnhill, CN, CCN, many of us in the Autism Advocacy Community spend most of our time communicating with people in similar situations. Our challenge has always been to reach out to a greater population that might not know or understand what is happening with regard to the autism epidemic and the lack of government research into potential causes, which includes looking at vaccine safety. We thought that if we ever were able to communicate with a fair-minded journalist working at a media outlet with both credibility and reach then it was likely to be worth the risk trying to tell our story.

We have taken that chance with NBC. While we initially declined their invitation for a story, we were persuaded to move forward when Matt Lauer was proposed as the correspondent. His reputation for being objective and thorough prompted us to reconsider and ultimately to open our doors. In March, TV crews from The Today Show, Dateline, and NBC Nightly News began gathering material at Thoughtful House in Austin. This involved taping long interviews with Drs. Wakefield, Jepson, and Krigsman, some of our therapists, administrators, and, more importantly, a few of our families. The crews traveled to London to report on the Lancet controversy and interviewed many of the central figures relevant to that part of our story. They also taped interviews, presentations, and families in attendance at the Atlanta DAN conference. Dr. Wakefield was flown to New York by the network and received what he described as a "tough but fair" interview in a one-on-one with Today Show host Matt Lauer. The person we have dealt with throughout the course of this project is Mr. Lauer's producer, Ami Schmitz. Ami has a long resume as a medical journalist and was formerly Dr. Timothy Johnson's producer at ABC News. In our assessment, she has been thorough and diligent in gathering information, documents, and asking the kind of detailed questions that have been glossed over or conflated in previous reporting. We believe, based upon hours and hours of working with Ami, she is writing an even-handed report, which will be narrated and hosted by Mr. Lauer.

Nothing is certain, of course, so we are taking a risk. However, we believe the potential reward is worth that risk; it's entirely possible this will be the first time this subject matter (autism, Wakefield, Thoughtful House, vaccine safety research) has been considered objectively in mainstream media. If that is the case, we have the possibility of communicating with millions of people and that will be nothing but positive for those of us dealing with autism in our own families. We will find out this Friday, August 28. A portion of Mr. Lauer's interview with Dr. Wakefield will be broadcast in an 8-10 minute segment on The Today Show. Either Saturday or Sunday, the NBC Nightly News Weekend will also broadcast a lengthy piece on Thoughtful House and vaccine safety. Coverage will culminate on Sunday night, August 30, at 7 pm EST, with an hour-long broadcast hosted by Mr. Lauer on Dateline NBC. This is scheduled to be adjacent to the Sunday night NFL football game on NBC, which means there is the potential for a large audience. In fact, the cumulative audience for all of these programs means there are likely to be no less than 5 million people who learn about autism and Thoughtful House and, quite possibly, as many as 20 million viewers will see the various broadcasts.

Consequently, you see the reason we decided to cooperate with NBC. The program might just be a game changer in the conversation we are all having in our communities with our governments, health care providers, insurance companies, and overall policies within our culture that marginalize families dealing with autism. We all started off several years ago on what many of us believe is the correct course for treatment and research and it has led us to this moment, and we believe we've made the right decision.

We would like to ask all of you that are active in the autism community to hold all judgment and wait to see the final broadcast. NBC has dedicated substantial time and resources to this story and the producer has made every effort to interview people from all points of view. Our hope is that a fair story will be told and you may submit feedback to the network after the shows have aired. Please do not attempt to contact them prior to the broadcast.

Please share this information with your friends, and if there are any last minutes changes, which we are told is always possible in the news business, you can rely on us to bring them to your attention.

Sincerely,

Anissa Ryland
Director of Operations
Thoughtful House Center for Children

Stayin' Alive (Still Alive, in my case)

2009-08-24T22:18:00.003-06:00

I've missed you, my lovely blogger friends! It has been a crazy summer that flew by too quickly. I have one boy back in school already, one really big boy back to work (to teach) this Wednesday, then two more in their new school next Thursday. I am hoping I'll be blogging a lot more regularly once the dust settles.

My summer was fantastic. Here is a little glimpse of some of my fun. Let me introduce you to my Gramps:

See you soon!

Trip Out West Part 2

2009-08-02T22:59:00.019-06:00

Let's make some of my American and International readers envious of this great country. Not for any other reason than to give you a peek of what you should come here to visit on your next holiday. I am a very proud Canadian and in ever-awe (I just made that expression up, pretty impressive, eh?) of the beautiful landscapes we have up here.

I am a little sad to say that I don't have a lot of photos to show you from the rest of our trip out west. I saw some beautiful things and some amazing scenery, but most of it was from behind the wheel. Gram's mobility is limited, so we opted to "just go for the drives". I think that I have an idea for an invention that could make me a lot of money (so don't steal it). I think new cars should have 360 degree swivel cameras mounted to the roof, with its display and controls sitting in the car's dash. It killed me to pass such beautiful sights and even a brown bear that may have been a grizzly! and not have been able to take a photo while I drove. So in order to continue with my efforts for Tourism Canada to request to be one of my blog sponsors, I need to show you some of those sights via some stolen (gasp!) photos. I apologize. But it's for the good of this great nation's future tourism industry.

So last I left you was in Victoria. Oh, Victoria! I miss you already. We took a scenic drive when leaving the city and followed the water's edge. Every time I saw beach and all the families playing on it, I was thinking "do these people really appreciate how lucky they are to live like this?"

(my photo) of Gram

So we drove up to Victoria's Butterfly Gardens. Did I tell you how hot it was in British Columbia last week? Biggest heat wave they have had in years. I guess that's the 'pro' in being stuck in a car so much-the air conditioning. But in the Butterfly Gardens, it was heated to tropical temperatures so it felt like a sauna. I'm not complaining too much because it was a beautiful place, almost magical.

(my photo)

Check out this atlas moth. It can reach 12 inches in width. It can live up to 5 years in its cocoon and it emerges for the sole purpose of procreation (hope it was good for her), flies only at night and dies within 3-5 days. It really was beautiful to see in the tree, but I wouldn't want to feel it fluttering by my face in the middle of the night.

After the gardens, we drove up the Island Highway to Nanaimo.

View Larger Map
We came across so many beautiful sights along the coast. It constantly amazed us to see thousands of acres of forest that were untouched by disease or pine beetle. Just green for miles. Gorgeous.

(my photo) From somewhere before Duncan, BC

Nanaimo was our next destination, where we stayed for two days. We weren't really impressed with the town itself, but its natural surroundings were undeniably beautiful. Our hotel sat right on the harbour and it had air conditioning. What more could you ask for?

(my photo) Our view from the hotel room balcony of the Nanaimo Harbour

The hotel receptionist was a bit of a dork. When he heard we were checking in under my grandmother's last name, Conners, he got all excited because it reminded him of Spiderman. Spiderman????? Is that the first thing you think of when you hear the word 'Conners'? Apparently, there is some character with that last name from the comic series. Nutty. I had been sooooo looking forward to eating some fresh seafood on this whole trip and it had been quite a mission to convince Gram to go, seeing as she doesn't like seafood. We found a restaurant sitting on the water, I ordered a grilled whole lobster and drooled, waiting for it to come to the table. When it did, it was like gelatin. Uncooked blob. Makes me gag just thinking about it. The waitress told me the cook insisted I was just eating the wrong part of the lobster. I wasn't. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. Especially because now I'm afraid I may never be able to eat lobster again.

(my photo) Gram at least, enjoyed her pasta with scallops. I've got her eating seafood!

We left early in the morning for the drive across the British Columbia Highway 4, known locally as the Alberni Highway and the Pacific Rim Highway. It is the longest east-west main vehicle route on Vancouver Island, with a total length of 163 km (101 mi). I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect it to be so beautiful. I guess I thought it would be boring, with no coast to look at, but I was wrong. It snaked its way through ancient forests and alongside some beautiful lakes.

(my photo)

Coombs Country Candy was like an oasis in the middle of a desert, or in this case, a forest. We were greeted with homemade fudge, peanut brittle, caramel corn and ice cream. Had a great little conversation with the owner, who also happened to be from Toronto.

Am I a geek to love trees? Because I love them. Just like in Lord of the Rings with the scenes with the Ents, I love the look of ancient trees that have stood and watched the change of the times below them.

(not my photo)

We pulled over to take a walk through Cathedral Grove in MacMillan Provincial Park. What a feeling it was to walk through that forest amongst 800 year old trees. The smell, the sounds and the feel of the place will stay in my mind forever.

(my photo) taken from the highway, at the mouth of the path into Cathedral Grove

After driving through some harrowing, cliff-gripping highway through mountains, we reached the Pacific Rim. When I saw my first sight of the Ocean I wanted to cry, I was so happy. We drove through a rainforest before we reached one of the most beautiful places in the world- Tofino. Ahhhh, Tofino. I wish I could have spent a week there. Or a year. Or even a day. Because sadly, we just stopped in. But it will forever be on my bucket list of places I need to travel to again.

(not my photo but wish it was) Tofino

Just a few kilometres outside of this gorgeous town is one of the most gorgeous beaches I have ever seen (not that I have ever seen a lot). Long Beach.

(my photo) How's that for a worry. No sharks to worry about, just some wolves and cougars on the beach and not the women over 40 kind.

(not my photo) My photos of Long Beach wouldn't do it justice like this one does.

We made a final trek over to Ucluelet before turning around and heading back to Nanaimo. From Ucluelet, we never had the chance to see the ocean, but I hear its views are beautiful. The town seems a lot more working class and less geared towards the higher end tourism. Jason Priestly's family operate a resort out there. Wonder if they've got a Peach Pit?

I'll have to stop here and write about our drive home in another post. I hope you enjoyed the trip as much as we did. You must consider it as a holiday someday. BucketList!!

Willowjak Boys

Digging Deep and Asking For & Accepting Help

The View From Here

Great Seats and a Second Home

Step-by-Step Approach to Implementing the GF/CF Diet

Moments

The Things People Say

Did You Know?

Don't Quit

Posts for the Pooches

Stronger Than Ever

Disappearing on World Autism Awareness Day

Light It Up Blue

The Bilodeau's - a Golden Family

Why Autism Sucks Today

Almost Back!

It could have been our story

Poopy Snow Day

Building a Village

Things you shouldn't do when you have a MIGRAINE

Lovin' the Muppets

A Tribute To Big Jim Conners

Big Jim Conners

Big Jim Conners - My Fiddlin' Grandpa

Happy 10

Lemon Throwing #2

a Bloom'in Interview

Happy Hour Friday #2

Take a Peek Through Our Window

Lemon Throwing

Stacey's Sunday Bandcamp #6

bLerApy

Viv Is My Favourite

Who I Am

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors *Why I'm an UN-Warrior*

Gluten-Casein Free Diet Explanation

Sundays In My City

Rising costs, waiting lists can cause nightmares for parents of autistic children

Our Week in Pictures

Friday Fragments

FancyPants is my Favourite

Wednesday's Words of Advice & Warriors *Odds 'n Ends*

Ian Brown: The Boy In the Moon

When the Words Don’t Come, Laugh Instead

Stacey’s Sunday Bandcamp #5

Whining about *s and Thimbles

Happy Hour Friday

Crockpots & Anti-Sexy-Time with David Letterman

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors *Pointy Toes*

Post-It Note Tuesday

Don't Forget! Tomorrow's Wednesday Meme

Raising Kids With Special Needs - Bill of Rights

Stacey's Sunday Bandcamp #4

Kristina's My Favourite

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors *Devon*

Willowjak's Memes

Reunited with MY Keith Urban

Writer's Workshop: Back to School & Speechless

Owen's Toothless Smiles

Hakuna Matata & Crosby, Staal and Nash

a Forwarded Message from Thoughtful House

Stayin' Alive (Still Alive, in my case)

Trip Out West Part 2

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Why I'm an UN-Warrior

Wednesday's Words of Advice & Warriors Odds 'n Ends

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Pointy Toes

Wednesday Words of Advice & Warriors Devon